


Take Me Back To The Start

by Kaimu



Series: Take Me Back To The Start [1]
Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-23
Updated: 2012-10-23
Packaged: 2017-11-16 21:39:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 25,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/544103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaimu/pseuds/Kaimu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How to find your way back to the person you love?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First fic I've ever written. The first of many. You'll probably see the progress I've made with the others :)

Kris was livin' the life he always dreamed off, together with Katy and his 2 kids. He had a succesful carreer as a singer/songwriter and was loved all over the world by kids, women and even by men.  
There was only one thing missin'... He had lost his best friend, and he didn't know how he could get him back...   
Kris was now sittin' in his garden, enjoyin' the warmth of the sun, when he dozed off to sleep... 

~~

 

His Dream : 

I was on tour with the other idols, we were performin' our last song together on the very last day. When it ended we thanked the band, the audience and we went off stage.  
Adam was already behind the curtains when I came backstage, I went straight to Adam. 

" Hey you ! " 

" Heeey ! You were great ! " 

" Thanks ! You too, as always... " 

We both smiled at eachother and hugged. 

" So, what are you up too ? " 

" I'm goin' home, back to Katy " 

" Oh you pussy ! Come on and stay ! We're gonna have a party to celebrate our perfect tour ! " 

" I'm too tired Adam... " 

" Oh fine ! Go home then... " 

Adam seemed pissed at me, but what could I do about it ? I guessed I should go to the party after all, but first I went home to Katy. 

* he moved a bit in his sleep and the scene shifted *

" Hey, you made it ! " 

" Yeah, I decided to come anyway... " 

" That's great ! Now come on and have some fun ! " 

We were dancin' and drinkin' and just havin' a lot of fun untill the party came to an end. Everybody said goodbye to eachother except me and Adam, we stayed a bit behind and were walkin' off together, to our cars.

" Didn't you have fun tonight ? " 

" Yeah ! I'm glad I decided to come back... " 

" Told ya it would be fun ! " 

" Yeah... Say, Adam ? " 

" What's up Kris ? " 

" When will I see you again ? " 

Adam looked at me with the most serious and hurt look in his eyes I had ever seen... 

" I think it's best we don't see eachother for a while... " 

" Why ? " 

" To be honest, I wanted you to come to this afterparty thing so I could say goodbye to you... " 

" To say goodbye to me ? What does that mean ? " 

" It means that I'm breakin' our friendship... I'm sorry... " 

" I don't get it ?! Why ?! " 

" There's no other way... Goodbye Kris, you were the best friend I ever had... " 

Adam got in his car and drove away, leavin' me behind... Standin' there, tears rollin' down my face... 

 

~~

Back to now : 

* mumblin' * " Adam... Come back... Adam... " 

" Kris ! wake up ! " * shakes her husband *

" Adam...* wakes up * Huh what ??? Katy ? What happened ? "

" You were dreamin' again honey... " 

" I wasn't screamin' again was I ? " 

" No... You were just mumblin' his name... "

" Oh... "

This had happened before... Way too many times... He still didn't get why Adam had done that...   
5 years had passed since then, and he still couldn't get it out of his mind. He missed that guy...   
He had tried to call him, text him... But he never got an answer back, not even one in 5 years time...


	2. Chapter 2

Adam was layin' in bed, bored as hell. He had a day off but didn't feel like doing anything.   
Alli had called him to hang out with her and Matt, but he had made an excuse about " some other stuff to do " and she didn't bother to keep askin'. She knew he wouldn't give in.   
There was one person he wanted to hang out with, but he couldn't... It's already been 5 years that he couldn't hang out with that person, and it was his own fault...   
It was Kris... His best friend who was married and had a daughter and son who he had never seen. He had seen the little girl once, when Katy was visitin' them on tour, but the boy he had never seen.   
His best friend for who he had created these feelings that he couldn't describe to anybody. But he had to stop it... For Kris' and for his own sake.   
That's why he had broken the friendship... That's why he never answered his calls or never texted him back... So he could put an end to these feelings...   
He didn't really know if it had worked though...   
He grabbed the remote and turned on the television, suddenly, one thing that had revealed it self on screen caught his eye... 

~~ Tomorrow night, Kris Allen, the winner of American Idol season 8 will be the mentor for the guys and girls in the new season. Because it's ' Michael Jackson's songs ' night they couldn't have asked anyone better than him ! Next up, a short interview with the man himself about how he feels to come back to the place where it all started for him. ~~

Adam's heart skipped a beat... Kris was gonna be mentor on AI ! He had done the same once, for the top 9 of AI season 9, and now they had given that opportunity to Kris too.   
He turned the sound louder so he could hear the interview perfectly.

~~  
\- So Kris, it's been a long time since you've been here !   
" Yes it has, 5 years I guess... "   
\- We all know it was the start for your carreer, so how does it feel to be back here ?   
" It feels weird to be here, I'm a bit nervous to be honest. "   
\- Adam Lambert, who was the runner-up in your year, has been a mentor for the show too  
" Yeah, 4 years ago or something... I saw it, he was very good ! "  
\- You think you can be that good too ? As a mentor I mean...   
" Who knows... Maybe even better ! "  
~~

Adam smiled as he saw Kris' face when he said that last sentence. He tried really hard to pull a convincin' face at the camera but he couldn't disguise the smile, atleast for Adam he couldn't, he knew Kris too well.   
The reporter had mentioned his name to Kris, and as he did, Adam had seen the change of look in Kris' eyes... The spark went out, and there came a sort of sadness in return... Adam knew why... He knew it must've been hard for Kris to answer that , but he had handled it well ! Even endin' with a little joke...   
Then it hit him... He had to get there ! He would be there tomorrow and the next day 'cause then he would have to sing his new song like Adam had done.   
He just wanted to see him... And when he was in the audience Kris probably wouldn't see him, so he wouldn't be upset or something.   
He called to Simon Fuller and asked if he could come, but, that he wanted to stay low profile. 'Cause when Ryan would see him, he would go to him durin' the show and Kris would see him. Simon said it could be arranged, so Adam tried to prepare himself for the next day.


	3. Chapter 3

Kris was nervous... The first day had gone well 'cause he just had to show up and answer a few questions from Ryan about how it has been for him to mentor those guys & girls.   
But now... Now he had to sing ! It was like singin' for the judges all over again ! Ofcourse they were still there, but this time they wouldn't have to judge him.   
Things had changed... Paula had left AI after he won and the next year Simon had left the judgin' panel. There were only Randy and Kara from his year and then Ellen and an other guy who's name he couldn't remember. He was a bit like Simon though, in his comments, but No One could replace him. And Paula was irreplacable too, although Ellen was a nice person.   
It was time... Ryan called his name ! He went on stage... 

" Hey everyone ! I'm gonna sing my latest song, and probably the next single, for you...This song means a lot to me... So I hope you like it ! " 

The audience cheered and then became quiet when Kris strummed his guitar. 

What am I gonna do tonight  
When I'm one step closer to the other side  
It's easy to pretend  
Tryin' hard not to fade away  
But the world's got me feeling out of place  
How will all this end?  
It's so hard to say

Send me all your angels tonight  
I'm barely hanging on the edge of lonely  
Trying to turn this all around before I  
Hit the ground and end up face down  
Send me all your angels, now

Everyday, gotta face the fact that  
I'm trying to reach the demons on my back  
And I'm hoping to hold on  
Don't wanna make friends tonight  
With the faces, with the faces  
Not this time  
When will all this end?  
Just give me a sign

Send me all your angels tonight  
I'm barely hanging on the edge of lonely  
Trying to turn this all around before I  
Hit the ground and end up face down  
Send me all your angels, now

Better days are sure to come  
I don't wanna come undone  
So show me what I'm living for, yeah

Send me all your angels tonight  
I'm barely hanging on the edge of lonely  
Trying to turn this all around before I  
Hit the ground and end up face down  
Send me all your angels, now  
Send me all your angels now  
Send me all your angels, now  
Oh, ooh

What am I gonna do tonight  
When I'm one step closer to the other side 

When the song was over there was complete silence... Then they applauded and cheered, whipin' away their tears. This song was brought so emotional, so heartfelt... Everyone was amazed.   
Especially one person... But Kris didn't even know he was there...   
Kris bowed, said goodbye and left the stage.


	4. Chapter 4

Adam was still starin' in front of him without seein' anything... He had been completely mesmerized by Kris. There were still tears runnin' down from his cheeks when he heard a familiar voice... He quickly wiped his tears away. 

" Adam ? Adam Lambert, is that really you ? " 

" Kara ! Yeah, it's me... " 

" My God boy, you're lookin' G-O-O-D ! 

Adam laughed and gave her a hug which she gladly returned. 

" So what are you still doin' here ? The show has already stopped 10 minutes ago... I didn't even know you were here ! " 

" Nobody knows... I asked Mister Fuller to keep me low profile, so no camerashots or anything. "

" Ow... I can understand that... Why don't you come backstage with me ? I think Randy will be happy to see you too ! " 

Adam didn't even have time to think about it, Kara had already taken his arm and leaded him to the backstage.   
They saw Randy standin' over with a few contestants and went over to him. 

" Randy ! Look who I found ! " 

" Well, well... If it isn't Mister Adam Lambert ! " 

* Adam smiled * " Hey Randy ! " 

They gave eachother a friendly man-hug. Then they started a conversation with Kara and the contestants that already had been standin' with Randy.   
Suddenly he saw him... He saw Kris... His back was turned to him, but he just Knew it was him !   
He was glad his back was turned to him so he couldn't see him...   
Suddenly he felt a soft knockin' on his shoulder... 

" Adam ? Is that you ? " 

Adam gasped and turned around... 

" Katy... " 

" It IS you ! " 

Before he knew what to do, she hugged him.   
When they pulled back, he could see tears standin' in her eyes... Then someone next to her pulled at her sleeve...

" Mommy, who is that guy ? " 

" That's Adam, Emma... " 

The little girl looked at her mom with a questioned face. Katy sighed... 

" Adam was a friend of daddy's... "

" My best friend actually... Untill he de decided to break that up... "   
Adam swallowed... He knew that voice... Even if there were millions of people talkin', he still could figure out whose sound that was...   
He turned around again... 

" Kris... " 

" Adam " 

They looked into eachothers eyes... Adam couldn't figure out what kind of look Kris gave him, there was absolutely nothing to see in his eyes...   
He took a step forward, but hesitated... Kris gave him a little smile... 

" You can hug me Adam, I won't bite you... " 

Adam gave him a hug, Kris hugged back but it wasn't as warm as his hugs used to be... But Adam could understand why... 

" Adam, meet my kids... Emma and Josh. Say hi kids... "

" Hi mister ! " Emma & Josh both said together 

Adam laughed and said: 

" You don't have to call me mister ! Call me... Uncle Adam ! "

He looked at Kris and saw a little smile appear on his face. 

" Emma sure has grown... How old are you now sweety ? " 

" I'm 4, next week I'm 5 ! "

" Wow, almost 5 ! That's a big girl already ! " 

Emma smiled and turned a little red, she was so cute when she blushed... She looked exactly like Kris...


	5. Chapter 5

It was strange for Kris to see Adam back... It felt almost surreal, like this was all a dream or something... 

" So, what are you gonna do tonight ? ' 

" Not much, I'm gonna take Katy and the kids home and that's probably it... " 

" Oh... " 

" I've already had the performance so I'm a bit tired... Unless... You wanna go grab a drink with me or something ? " 

" I would love that... " 

" Ok, I'll drop Katy and the kids off at the hotel we're in and I'll meet you at Bill's " 

" Ok, I'll see you there " 

When he had dropped Katy and the kids off, he hesitated a while before he left to Bill's.   
Could he really do this ? Adam was the one who walkef out on him, who simply had broken the friendship... And know he, Kris, had invited Adam to get somethin' to drink just like that... Like nothing had happened...   
Maybe Adam was thinkin' now that he had already forgiven him ? But he hadn't... Atleast he could tell him that, so Adam would know it would take time for them to become friends again, if Adam wanted to be friends again...   
With that thought in mind he started the engine and left for Bill's.   
Adam was already sittin' at the bar when he arrived.

" Hey Adam "

" Oh, hey ! I thought you weren't comin' anymore... I thought that you'd bail me... "

" I didn't... " 

" I would have deserved it you know... " 

" Yeah, you did "

He looked at Adam with a look of mixed anger and disappointment in his eyes. Adam turned his eyes away to look at his beer as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. 

" You've hurt me you know... You've hurt me a LOT ! " 

" I know... I'm sorry... I don't really know what had gotten into me back then ! I just want you to know I'm really sorry... And that I missed you... "

Adam had turned back to Kris and looked him straight in the eyes. Kris could see tears formin' in them... He could see Adam really meant this, and he softened up a bit... 

" Apologies accepted ! I missed you too... " 

Then they started talkin'. Bringin' back memories of their idol adventures and laughin' with all the stupid and funny stuff they had done together.   
The beginnin' of their new friendship... But they still had a long way to go...


	6. Chapter 6

Adam saw that Kris was really gettin' tired, so they decided to go to sleep.   
When they walked to their cars, Adam took his chance...

" Say Kris... " 

" Yeah ? " 

" Do you still have your old number ? " 

" Yeah... Why? "

" So I could call you sometimes... If that's ok with you ? "

" Sure, you still have my number ? " 

" Yeah "

" Ok " 

When they're at their cars, Kris turns to Adam before he gets in his car

" Adam ? " 

" Yeah ? " 

" Don't wait 5 years to call me... " 

Adam looked at him and saw Kris smile, but he also saw the pleadin' in his eyes

" Don't worry, I won't... " 

~~

 

Adam was so wrapped up in his shows the next week that he didn't have the time to call Kris.   
He had to perform, and by the time he was home he was too tired to do anything other than sleep.  
He had texted him a few times though, and he always got an answer back.   
He came back one night and was already preparin' to get in bed when his phone rang.

" Hello ? " * Adam suppressed a yawn *

" Hey Adam ! It's Kris " 

" Hey Kris ! " * feelin' a little more awake *

" How are you ? " 

" Fine... Just fuckin' tired from the shows this week ... You ? "

" The same, also tired from performin'... I wanted to ask you somthing... " 

" Well shoot ! " 

" We're doin' this birthday party for Emma next weekend, 'cauce we didn't really have the time this week. And I wanted to invite you... If you're free ? " 

Adam skipped through his tourschedule

" I'm free next saturday and sunday "

" Great ! The party is saturday, so you'll still have your free sunday "

" I 'm glad I can come ! It's not like I'll be doin' much on sunday...So we can have a party then too ! "

* laughin' * " I think one birthday party is enough ! I'm happy you can come... " 

" I don't want to be rude... But I can't keep my eyes open anymore, and I don't think you want to hear me snore on the phone... " 

" No, thank you ! I'll let you sleep... Goodnight Adam " 

" 'Night Kris "

Adam fell asleep almost immediatly after he put his phone down.


	7. Chapter 7

Kris was goin' through his checklist of who he still had to call to invite for Emma's party. His eyes directly fell on Allison's name !   
How could he forget her ? Emma would kill him if ' auntie Alli ' wasn't invited to her party.   
He picked up the phone and called her 

" Hello ? " 

" Hey Alli, it's Kris ! " 

" Hey boy ! What's up ? " 

" I wanna invite you for Emma's birthdayparty next saturday " 

" Ow, little Emma's party ! I'll be there ! " 

" I didn't expect anything else. Oh, and guess what... " 

" What ? " 

" Adam's comin' too... " 

" WHAT ?! I thought you guys didn't speak to eachother anymore ! " 

" Let's just say we're tryin' to get our friendship on the roll again... " 

" That's awesome ! It's been a while since I've seen him, been really busy, so I'm lookin' forward to that ! " 

" Emma will be pleased that you're comin' " 

" I wouldn't want to miss it ! " 

" I'm gonna call Matt now, so, I'll see you saturday ! " 

" Ok, see ya ! " 

He called Matt and all the others. They were all very surprised to hear that Adam would come too, but very happy at the same time.   
Kris was happy too... He finally had a chance to get his best friend back ! 

~~ 

It was saturday mornin' and Kris & Katy stood up early to prepare everything for the party.   
Suddenly Kris' phone rang. 

" Hello ? " 

" Hiii ! Guess who ? " 

" Hey Adam... " 

" Boy, you're not soundin' too happy... " 

" I'm a bit busy right now with preparin' for the party... Why did you call ? " 

" Oh, I'm sorry... I just wanted to know what I could buy for Emma as a birthday gift " 

" You don't have to buy her anything, she 'll get enough presents " 

" I can't come empty handed Kris " 

" Fine... Bring some cookies, she'll treat you like a god if you do that " 

" * sighs * I'll figure somethin' out... I'm gonna let you work ! See ya soon ! " 

" Yeah, thanks... Later ! " 

He went back to help Katy with the decorations. In the afternoon the party would start and they weren't even half ready for it.


	8. Chapter 8

Adam was gettin' ready for the party. He had a shower, shaved him, got dressed and was now doin' his hair and puttin' on his eye-liner.  
He was gettin' nervous... He hadn't seen Kris since he went to his performance on AI, which had only been 2 weeks but felt like a lifetime...   
It was the first time he would see how Kris lives, he was curious about that. He already had a picture in his mind about it, and now it would become real...  
He took on more look at himself in the mirror, grabbed his keys and left. He arrived at Kris' house 20 minutes later, he looked up at the house and smiled.It was exactly as he had imagined...   
He went to the door and rang the bell

* door openin' *

" Adam ! " 

" Kris ! " 

They hugged. Adam noticed it was a little warmer than the first time but it still wasn't like it used to be... 

" You're here early... "

" I know... Couldn't wait anymore ! So, where's the birthday girl ? " 

" I'll call her... EMMA ! your first guest has arrived ! "

Emma came runnin' to the door, when she saw Adam she smiled at him and Adam bent down to give her a hug.   
When he pulled back he saw her lookin' at him with an expectant glow in her eyes.   
He smiled and stood back up, grabbin' in his bag he pulled out a box of cookies. 

" I know it isn't much... I have somethin' else too, but I'll keep that for later when everyone else has arrived "

" Thanks uncle Adam ! " 

She smiled up at him and grabbed a cookie from the box, then she ran back to the livingroom leavin' Adam and Kris standin' in the hallway.  
When Adam looked at Kris, he saw a smirk on his face. 

" What ? " 

" Nothin'... You bought her cookies, now she's gonna worship you ! " 

" Ow yeah, all hail King Adam, the bringer of cookies ! " 

They broke out in laughter. Then Katy came to the hallway, hugged Adam, and told him to come inside.   
Kris gestured his hands to the living room and with a little bow he said : " after you, Your Majesty ! "   
Adam kept his face as straight as possible, gave Kris a little nod and as he walked by he said : " thank you sir, you are way to kind ! "   
They both laughed again and Adam put his arm lightly around Kris shoulder and ruffled his hair while they walked into the livingroom.   
Adam looked around at the decorations and let out a whistle of admiration,then... his eyes got a hold of something... He walked up to it.

" You... You still have this ? " 

" Ofcourse I have... How could I throw it away ? "

Kris walked up to him and looked, together with Adam, at the framed picture on his wall...  
It was a picture of Adam & Kris in a warm,heartfelt hug, where was written on in Adam's handwritin' : " To my best friend Kris... Love, Adam "   
They couldn't help but smile while lookin' at it... 

~~

Flashback : 

Adam & Kris were both at a signin' session compared with a dubble interview.  
It was almost time for the interview and Kris was already sittin' on the couch with a bottle of water in his hand, waitin' for Adam and the interviewer to come in.   
Adam came in first, he looked at Kris, smiled, and sat next to him. 

" You're not gonna do this again are you ? "

" Do what ? " 

" The interviewin' thing... I don't trust that bottle in your hand ! " 

Kris laughed, Adam still hadn't forgotten how they had to interview eachother and Kris had used a water bottle as a mic. 

" No, no... I'll leave the interviewin' to the real interviewer ! "

" Thank God for that ! "

They smiled at eachother and then the interviewer came in, and so they started the interview.  
When the interview was over, they started their signin' session.   
After that was over, they were exhausted... They walked back to their cars together 

" Wow, all those people screamin' for our autographs... Who would have imagined it would come to this ? "

" I would... I knew it would turn out this way for you at least... Who wouldn't want an autograph from the Great Adam Lambert ?! I know I would want it... " 

" You would want an autograph from me ? "

" Yeah ! And if it would be on a picture of you it would make me even more happy ! " 

Adam looked sideways at Kris, he knew he was jokin'. Then he was reminded of somethin'...  
He and Kris had gotten both a picture of themselves huggin' eachother , they had got it from a fan who said she had made it poster sized and it was hangin' in her bedroom, she wanted them to have the picture too.   
He put down his bag and took the picture and a pen out of it, he laid the picture against his car window and wrote on it : " To my best friend Kris... Love, Adam " .  
When he was done, he turned back to Kris and gave it to him

" Here you are, now you have an autograph of the Great Adam Lambert ! It's even on a picture ! " 

Kris' jaw had dropped and he was lookin' at Adam with open mouth. Without thinkin' he pulled out his own picture and a pen and wrote down: " To Adam, the most amazin' guy I've ever met ... Love, Kris " .  
He turned back to Adam and gave it to him

" There, now you have one back ! " 

" Yay ! I always wanted a Kris Allen autograph ! " 

He held it to his chest and jumped up and down like a kid who just got a birthday present he always wanted.   
Kris laughed at the sight of that and gave Adam a slap on his back.  
Then he turned back to his car, so did Adam.

" I'll see you around Allen " 

" Yeah, see ya Lambert "

Then they drove away.

~~

Back to now :

Adam and Kris both were daydreamin'... then the doorbell rang and they were pulled back to reality.  
Kris went back to the hallway to open the door and Adam let himself sink into the couch.   
His mind was still back there at that moment, he wished he could get that friendship back... He wanted it more than anything in this world !


	9. Chapter 9

When Kris opened the door he almost got strangled in a big bush of hair, Allison had arrived !  
He pulled back and smiled at her, then turned around

" EMMA ! Come and see who's here... " 

Emma came runnin' already screamin' " auntie Alli, auntie Alli ! ", she jumped up, Allison catched her and whirled her around.

" Hey there, party animal ! Feelin' old already ? " 

" No... I've got cookies ! " 

" Wow, cookies ! Who gave them to you ? "

" Uncle Adam ! "

" Uncle Adam huh... Where is that uncle of yours ? " 

Emma took her by the hand and leaded her into the livingroom. Kris closed the door and followed them.   
When he was standin' in the doorway he saw Adam sittin' under a bush of hair almost gettin' strangled.  
When he caught Adam's eye ,he saw that he was waitin' to get rescued from gettin' no air, so he smiled and said : " let the man breathe Alli ! "   
Allison backed away, and Kris saw her quickly wipin' away her tears.  
Adam smiled and mouthed a ' thank you ' to Kris and turned to Alli.  
Kris wanted to let them talk, so he backed away into the kitchen where Katy was.

" Hey honey "

" Hey Kris ! Who's here ? "

" Adam & Alli... I'm lettin' them talk 'cause they haven't seen eachother for a while "

" That's a good idea... Then you can set the table and open the door when the bell rings, 'cause I'm too busy with the food and the drinks and stuff "

" No prob love "

" Thanks "

Katy gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek, which made him blush a little. He loved his wife.   
His life was onlly gettin' better and better...   
The doorbell rang... Kris sighed and went to open the door once more, and it wouldn't be the last time he would have to do it either.   
But he didn't complain, this day would be fun !


	10. Chapter 10

Adam looked around the room... Everyone was there from the top 13. They all had hugged eachother and talked a lot about their time on AI .  
Emma was sittin' on the floor between all her presents, she was simply glowin' from happiness. Josh was lookin' at her with a slightly jealous look on his face, Adam called him over so Josh came to him.

" Hey big guy ! Not jealous of your sister are you ? "

" Maybe... " 

" Aw, come on ! You know it's her birthday, right ? And besides..."

Adam grabbed in his bag again and pulled out a box with racecars inside. Josh looked at him with open mouth, and his hands were a little shaky whe he accepted the gift.   
Adam gave him an encouragin' smile and ruffled through the boy's hair like he had done with his dad. 

" There you go ! Now you have something new to play with too ! "

" T... Thank you uncle Adam ! " 

" You're very welcome ! Now, go and play ! "

Josh nodded, and with a big smile on his face he went to the playroom and sat down on the floor unpackin' the cars.  
Adam looked after the boy a while, then he noticed someone was lookin' at him so he turned his head in that direction... It was Kris...  
Kris looked at him with a soft smile, but his eyes were tellin' him he didn't have to do that. Adam smiled back and shrugged at him...  
Like he could resist to bring somethin' for that little boy ?! Even though he didn't really know those kids yet, he already liked them a lot.  
With that thought in mind, he thought it was time for his next gift.  
He stood up and ticked against his glass with a little spoon to get some attention.

" Hum... Hey everyone ! I 've said to Emma that there was another present besides the cookies I gave her... Well, I think it's time for that ! Kris, can you put this tape in please ? " 

Kris took the tape from Adam and put it in his player. Adam sat down again and when the music had started, he waited for the right time and started singin' :

It's late at night and I can't sleep  
Missing you just runs too deep  
Oh I can't breathe thinking of your smile  
Every kiss I can't forget  
This aching heart ain't broken yet  
Oh God I wish I could make you see  
Cause I know this flame isn't dying  
So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that  
Maybe it's time for miracles  
Cause I ain't giving up on love  
You know that  
Maybe it's time for miracles  
Cause I ain't giving up on love  
No I ain't giving up on us

I just want to be with you  
Cuz living is so hard to do  
When all I know is trapped inside your eyes

The future I cannot forget  
This aching heart ain't broken yet  
Oh God I wish I could make you see

Cuz I know this flame isn't dying  
So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that  
Maybe it's time for miracles  
Cuz I ain't giving up on love  
You know that  
Maybe it's time for miracles  
Cause I ain't giving up on love  
No I ain't giving up on us

Baby can you feel it coming  
You know I can hear it, hear it in your soul  
Baby when you feel me feeling you  
You know it's time... 

Baby you know that  
Maybe it's time for miracles  
Cuz I ain't giving up on love

You know that  
Maybe it's time for miracles  
Cuz I ain't giving up on love  
You know that  
Maybe it's time for miracles  
Cuz I ain't, I ain't giving up on love

No I ain't giving up on us  
I ain't giving up, no  
Oh I ain't giving up on us 

Then the music stopped and he stopped singin'... Tears were rollin' from his cheeks.   
This song was special to him, 'cause he was singin' it about someone who he really cared about, but who he had hurt so hard...  
That person was even in this room now... That person was now probably lookin' at him with tears stuck in his eyes...  
But he couldn't look up, he just couldn't bare to look in that person's eyes...  
He didn't want him to know it's for him, he hasn't really kissed him either, that was just an extra part in the song.  
He was goin' to look up, but he wasn't gonna look into his eyes... He wasn't gonna let him know...


	11. Chapter 11

Kris just stood there... tears rollin' down his face... starin' at Adam.   
Adam was sittin' with his head in his hands for 5 minutes now and nobody did anything, everyone was just starin' at him.   
Adam had just opened his heart for them, they had felt his pain, and nobody did something to comfort him... They were in shock...  
Kris felt Katy squeeze his hand and heard her whisper " go to him ! " .  
Kris looked at her, nodded, and went to sit next to Adam on the couch

" Adam... " 

" Kris, please... no... "

" It's ok... " 

" No, it's not... I don't even know why I sang this song... I shouldn't... I... I have to let go ! " 

" Whoever this person is that you made it for must be really important for you... " 

" He is... But it's not right ! I can't be with him, so I must let go ! But... " 

" It's hard to do, 'cause you still love him... It needs time Adam... But you'll get over it... You're strong ! " 

" I don't feel so strong right now... " 

" Come here... " 

Kris pulled Adam into a tight hug, softly strokin' his back. Adam didn't even look at him...  
Kris had tried to look him in the eyes when he told him he would get over it, but Adam just turned away.   
This person must be someone very special to Adam, thought Kris, if he could make Adam break down like this...   
The only thing Kris could do, was bein' there for Adam. And if he wanted to, he could help him to get over this guy by givin' him advice and make him have fun.   
Adam pulled away after a few minutes, but he still wouldn't look at Kris. He knew that Kris was clueless, just by hearin' what he just said to him. Kris thought it was for some guy he didn't know,and Adam thought it was the best for him to think that.  
Kris still had one hand on Adam's knee, just to let him know he would be there for him...  
Emma stood up and went to her dad and ' uncle ', even she had tears in her eyes, even if she didn't understand why...

" Uncle Adam ? "

" Yeah sweety ? " 

" Was that song for me ? " 

* laughs a little * " Yeah... Yeah it was ! Did you like it ? " 

" Uhu... But I think I like the cookies more, they don't make me cry ! " 

Everyone started laughin'. It was so cute, so innocent, so sweet and so honest. She obviously wanted to cheer Adam up, and she had succeeded.  
Adam put his hand on her cheek and softly stroked it. 

" You know what ? "

" No... What ? " 

" I think the cookies are better too ! Can I have one ? " 

Emma smiled up at him and ran to her box with cookies, and came runnin' back with one of them in her hand.   
Kris was lookin' at his daughter with pride in his eyes.  
She did exactly what he had tried but failed to do... Makin' Adam smile again...


	12. Chapter 12

Everyone had left the party, except Adam. He was still sittin' on the couch with Emma on his lap, talkin' away about stuff he knew would only happen in her fantasy, but it made him smile... and that was all that mattered.   
Josh was sittin' at his feet, still playin' with the cars he gave him.   
It was gettin' late, and Kris entered the livingroom

" Josh, Emma... it's time to go to bed ! " 

* Emma & Josh both * " No daddy, we don't wanna go to sleep ! " 

" Come on you 2 ! It's already past your bedtime... Say goodnight to uncle Adam ! " 

With a poutin' face they both hugged Adam goodnight and followed Kris to the kitchen, where Katy was and she took them to their rooms.   
After sayin' goodnight to his kids, Kris came back to the livingroom and started to clean the table. 

" I'll help you clean things up ! " 

" Thanks... it's really a mess here "

" Your daughter only turns 5 once ! "

" Yeah, next year it's Josh's turn to become 5... Please God, let him stay 4 forever ! " 

" Amen to that ! " 

They keep cleanin' the place up and after a while Katy comes in, tellin' them she's goin' to bed and wishin' them both goodnight.   
When she's left the room...

" Shouldn't you go with her ? " 

" I told her I would be up in a few minutes " 

" Yeah, I should go home... It's really gettin' late "

" You can sleep here if you like ? " 

" Here ? " 

" Yeah, I can pull out the couch to form a bed... " 

" I don't want to be a burden... " 

" If you were I would have kicked you out already ! " 

" Alright, alright... I'll stay... but just because it's late ! " 

Kris smiled at him and pulled the couch open, then left the room to get some clean pillows and blankets.  
When he came back, he saw Adam standin' before the picture again. He put the blankets and the pillows on the bed and walked up to him.   
When he stood beside Adam, he saw the tears in the corner of his eyes. 

" You okay ? " 

" Yeah... It's just that... This picture brings so many memories back... "

" I know... I really miss those times " 

" Me too... " 

They turned away from the picture and made up the bed. When they were ready, Kris hugged Adam goodnight and made his way to the stairs...

" Kris ? " 

" Yeah ? "

" Do you think we can get those back ? those memories ? "

" What do you mean ? " 

" I mean... Do you think we could be best friends again ? " 

" I think we have a good shot at makin' that happen, yeah... We will be best friends again eventually " 

" I hope it happens soon... " 

" Maybe it already happened,maybe it never changed... Now get some sleep... I didn't pull out the couch for nothing ! " 

" I hope so... You're right, I'm really tired... Goodnight Kris ! " 

" Goodnight Adam " 

When Kris had left to go to his room, Adam placed himself on the couch/bed and lay on his back, starin' at the ceilin'.  
Kris had said that they maybe already were best friends again... or maybe...   
Maybe it meant that Kris never saw Adam in any other way than as his best friend ?!   
Adam felt a warm feelin' inside of him, and with that feelin', he slowly fell asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

The next morning Kris woke up and was surprised to see that Katy was already up, it was her day off, he had to go to work in the afternoon.  
He had expected that she would still be asleep, but she had left the bed already, so he also stood up and went to the kitchen.  
There she was, already dressed and her coat ready on a chair, Kris knew something was wrong... 

" 'Morning... " 

" Oh, hey honey ! "

" What's going on ? Why are you all dressed up and is your coat on that chair ? "

" My boss called, I have to go to work "

" Sunday is your day off ! This is the 5th time already that he calls you to come over anyway, what the hell is wrong that they can't work a single day without you ? " 

" I already asked yesterday off " 

" Yeah, for your little girl's birthdayparty ! Can't he give you an extra day ? You know I have to go to the studio today to record my new single. Who's gonna look after the kids ? " 

" Maybe your parents could... " 

" NOT AGAIN ! I can't keep askin' them ! I know they love their grandchildren, but they have their own lives too you know ! "

Kris had slammed his fist on the table out of angryness.   
In the livingroom, Adam woke up from the noise and heard Kris swearin' loudly.   
He stood up and went to the kitchen... There he waw Katy standin' with tears in his eyes, and Kris with his head to the ground.

" Hey you 2, what's going on ? " 

Kris turned to look at him, " Hey Adam, you're up early ?! "

" Yeah... I woke up from a loud ' BANG ' and then some dirty word... But I repeat...What's going on ? " 

" Katy's got a call from her boss that she has to go to work today, when it was her day off normally, and I have to go to the studio this afternoon, so there's no one here to keep an eye on the kids... and I can't ask my parents again, they already take care of them in the week, I can't keep takin' away their weekends alone together. " 

" I can keep an eye on the kids " 

" You can ? "

" Yeah, I've told you, I'm free today ! "

" Yeah I know, but, they can be a handfull... "

" I think I can handle them... They can't be worse than me ! " 

Kris chuckled and looked thankful at Adam, then he turned his head to Katy.  
Katy had wiped away her tears and was lookin' thankful at Adam too, then she looked at her watch and saw she really had to get goin'.   
She hugged Adam and whispered ' thank you ' in his ear, then turned to Kris and gave him a kiss on the cheek, then she left.  
Kris went to the closet to take out some plates and knives for breakfast, then he took out the bread, before he could take anything else, Adam spoke up

" Are you ok ? " 

" I'm fine... "

" You don't seem fine... What was that all about ? "

" Like I said... " 

" Don't give me that bull Kris, I know you better ! You're upset and you're mad ! Normally you wouldn't be like that for something like this... What's goin' on with you ? " 

" I... I think she's cheatin' on me... " 

" You what ??? Come on Kris... " 

" I know... it's Katy I'm talkin' about... Sweet,carin', lovin' Katy... She wouldn't hurt a fly. So it's pretty insane to be thinkin' this... " 

" A little insane yeah... She couldn't Kris... Why would she do it ? You're an amazin' guy, an amazin' husband and an even more amazin' daddy... She KNOWS this... She doesn't wanna hurt you, you know that... "

" I know... I KNOW ! I'm just imaginin' things I guess... I'm gonna wake up the kids, it's time for breakfast "

Adam watched him leave the kitchen and let out a sigh. How could Kris think this ?   
Katy would never do that ! She had to be insane to cheat on Kris !   
If Adam only could find someone like Kris he would be the happiest man in the world... So Katy should be the happiest girl in the world to be married to Kris !  
Adam's thoughts were disturbed by the entrance of Emma & Josh, who were both very happy to see Adam sittin' at their breakfast table.

" Hey kiddo's ! " 

* together * " Hey uncle Adam ! " 

" Your mommy had to go to work, and you're daddy has to go to work this afternoon, so, you guys are stuck with me for the day... If you're okay with that ? "

Emma & Josh both start cheerin' and huggin' Adam and Kris to show how happy they are.  
Kris and Adam look at eachother and smile. This turned out great !  
After the kids settled down at the table they started their breakfast, all four of them already thinkin' that this would be a fun day after all .


	14. Chapter 14

A few weeks went by and Adam had to babysit on Kris' kids a few more times. He never minded though, but Kris did...   
It wasn't every weekend, but still 1 out of 3., and Kris was losin' his temper more and more.   
Like the followin' sunday... He called Adam, Again, to ask him if he could keep an eye on the kids

" I'm sorry Kris, as much as I would love to do that... I'm not free today, so I can't "

" Oh, now even you are lettin' me down ! I thought we were friends again ?! " 

" We are ! But I can't help it... I need to do this show "

" Fine ! I'll call my parents... Again ! Bye Adam, thanks for nothing... "

" Kris... " 

Kris had already put his phone down, too afraid that he would say more bad stuff to Adam that he didn't even meant.   
He called his parents, and they were happy to keep an eye on the kids, and they said they didn't need an apologize from Kris.

~~

Next monday, Adam was on a shoppin' spree in town when he saw something, or better said: someone, he knew very well kissin' some guy in front of a little bar.   
He blinked his eyes to take a better look... It couldn't be !   
Then the guy walked away and he had a clear view on the girl's face... it WAS Katy !   
He felt something break inside of him... Kris was right... She had been cheatin' on him ! How the hell could she do such a thing ?!  
Without thinkin' he started to walk up to her, when she spotted him he saw her turnin' red and fidgetting wth her coat, in a few steps he was standin' in front of her, fists clenched out of angryness.

" What the hell do you think you're doing ? " Adam spoke through gritted teeth

" Adam, I... I can explain ! " 

" Well, you better do, 'cause I don't get this... Why the hell did you kiss a guy... Some guy that's not Kris ! " 

" Let's go inside and have a drink... It makes it easier to talk about this... " 

Adam and Katy went inside and went to sit at a table in a far corner of the bar.  
They ordered ttheir drinks and when the waiter had rought them and they paid for it, so they could leave right after they drank it , Adam couldn't wait anymore...

" So, what's the story ? Who is this guy ? and why are you cheatin' on Kris with him ? " 

" He's a colleague of mine... He's always been supportive of me, makin' me do my job better, makin' me truely love my job... I can always call him when I need something and Kris isn't around 'cause he's on tour or recordin' or rehearsin'... He makes time for me ! "

" Katy please... You KNEW what kinda life Kris would be leadin' , you knew you wouldn't see him as much as you've probably wanted too... But I thought you had accepted that ! " 

" At first I did... But I was gettin' lonely... I still had the kids, but that isn't the same... Then Jeff confessed his feelings to me and I was lost... I love him Adam ! I'm goin' to leave Kris... It will be better for him... For both of us... I'm doin' this for him... " 

" Let me get this straight... You're cheatin' on Kris for HIM ? What kinda crap is that ???!!! "

" You weren't there Adam... " 

" I wasn't there when what ? " 

" All the nights he woke up screamin'... Screamin' for you to come back... " 

" Allright, so he missed me... What does that have to do with you cheatin' on him ? You're not sayin' this is all MY fault, do you ? " 

" I'm not sayin' this is your fault ! You'll find out what I mean... So will he... " She looked down at her watch, stood up and took her coat " I need to go now, I'm gonna pick the kids up from school and go home to make dinner... i'm gonna tell Kris tonight that I'm leavin' him... Please, keep an eye on him for me... And most of all, be honest to him, don't be like me... Bye Adam, you're a great guy ! "

Katy bent down and gave Adam a kiss on the cheek before leavin' the bar.  
Adam was just sittin' there, watchin' Katy leave was like in a haze... He couldn't stop her, he didn't even know what he should say anymore.   
What did Katy mean by that ? Had Kris really been screamin' for him ? And if he had, why would he do that ?   
He guessed it was just because Kris had missed him, like he had missed Kris. He's had some dreams about Kris too...  
With a big sigh, he stood up, took his coat and left the bar like Katy had done 5 minutes ago.


	15. Chapter 15

Kris got home around 6:00 pm., very exhausted from the rehearsal. It didn't went all that good... He didn't know why but he couldn't concentrate enough, so he sometimes forgot his lyrics and they had to start all over again. So they decided to stop the rehearsel for the day and make up for it the next day.   
He was still happy to see his kids, and to see how happy they were that their daddy was home early, and to see his wife and give her a big kiss on the mouth while she was settin' the table for dinner.  
But there was something wrong... He felt it when they were eatin' their dinner quietly, only the kids were active in talkin'. Kris smiled at their stories, but looked sometimes to Katy and saw she wasn't smilin'... He wondered if she was even listenin' at all...  
After dinner, the kids went to play outside and Kris and Katy were doin' the dishes in silence. Suddenly, Kris couldn't resist anymore... He had to ask what was wrong...

" Katy ? "

" Hmm ? " 

" You're awfully quiet tonight... Is somethin' botherin' you ? " 

Katy put down the dishes " I think we should talk Kris... " She walked out into the livingroom, Kris followed her. 

" I don't know where to start... " 

" Just tell me baby... " 

Katy let out a sigh... 

" I'm breakin' up with you Kris... " 

" What ?!? "

" All those sundays you thought I was at work, I actually was with Jeff... " 

" That colleague of yours ? With the blond curly hair and the glasses ? " 

" Yeah... I... I'm in love with him Kris... I can't keep doin' this ! Stayin' with you for the kids, while I'm in love with another man ! " 

" You... You were only stayin' with me for the kids ?! How long has this been goin' on exactly ? "

" A month...Maybe two... I'm sorry I haven't been honest with you... I tried to forget Jeff, tried to still love you like I did for so many years... But I can't Kris... I can't ! " 

" You can't love me anymore ? " 

" No... Not in the way you want me to... "

Kris was paralized...He couldn't move, couldn't speak,... He couldn't do anything else than watch Katy gettin' up, watch her gettin' some bags out of the closet and watch her goin' up the stairs, probably to the bedroom, where she would pack her things.  
When she came back down, Kris was sittin' at the exact same spot on the couch, only now with his head in his hands...  
She walked over to him, gave him a kiss in his hair, murmured a ' goodbye ' , and left for the door to walk out, close the door, and never to return again...  
She bumped into Allison on the way out, Allison looked at her with a question mark spread all over her face, but she didn't say anything... She couldn't... She just shrugged, walked up to her car, pushed her bags in the trunk and left. Tears were rollin' down her face, but she just ignored them... She had done the best thing she could do, leave Kris, so he wouldn't have to suffer anymore... Atleast not for long... That's what she was hopin' for anyway...


	16. Chapter 16

Allison stormed into the livingroom, she looked around and immediatly saw Kris sitting on the couch, head in his hands, not even looking up to the noise that Alli had made.   
Allison slowly walked up to him, she sat down next to him and put her arm around his shoulders 

" Kris, what's going on ? " 

" Katy... Katy's gone... She left me Alli... She left me and I couldn't stop her... " 

" Oh Kris... " She tightened her grip around his shoulders a bit " but what happened ? Why is she leaving you ? " 

" I can''t talk about it right now... Please, can you keep an eye on the kids for me ? They're playing outside... I'm gonna go to bed... " 

" Sure, I'll keep an eye on them ! Can I do anything else ? " 

" No, it's fine... I just want to be alone for a while... " 

" Ok, I understand... But if you need anything... " 

" Yeah... Thanks Alli " 

Kris went up to his room and Alli went outside to play with the kids. Emma and Josh were both very happy to see their ' auntie Alli ', they didn't have a clue about what was going on between their parents. Or the fact that their mom had left them without even saying goodbye to them...   
Meanwhile, Kris was in his room, sitting on the bed, playing with his phone... Should he call him or not ? The last time he called him wasn't really a happy call... He still felt a little bad about losing his temper... But he needed him... He was the only person Kris could talk with about these things. So he opened his contacts and pushed the dial button on the first name that was on his contactlist... 

" Hello ? " 

" Adam... I need you... Please... " Kris' voice cracked under the emotions 

" Kris ?! What's wrong ? Where are you ? " 

" At home... Can you come over ? I can't talk about it over the phone " 

" I'll be right there ! " 

When he put his phone down, Adam already knew why Kris had called him... He already knew what was going on, he just couldn't tell Kris that he knew...   
He picked up his wallet and his keys, closed his door when he was outside and walked to his car.   
When he was driving he thought about what Katy had said about Kris screaming for him to come back... Should he ask Kris what this was all about ? No, he shouldn't... It probably wasn't important... Kris wouldn't even be able to answer it, his thoughts were with Katy... Not focused on some stupid dream, or dreams, about Adam.   
He arrived at Kris' house, pulled up the parking lot, got out of his car and walked up to the house. When he rang the bell and the door was opened, he was a little surprised to see Allison standing there... 

" Alli ? What are you doing here ? " 

" I could ask you the same thing ! " 

" Kris called me ! " 

" Oh, he did didn't he... Come in, he's in his room... But I'm warning you... He looks like a wreck... " 

" I can imagine... " 

When he passed the door to the livingroom, he saw Emma and Josh watching TV. It seemed like they didn't know their daddy was up in his room, probably crying his heart out... Maybe it was better that way...   
He went up the stairs, knocked on Kris' bedroom door, but when he didn't get an answer he just opened the door and walked in.   
There was Kris... Laying in bed with the blanket pulled over his head...He was shaking very hard, Adam walked up to him and placed himself on the bed. 

" Kris... " 

" ... " 

" Kris, talk to me... Please... " 

" ... " 

Adam took hold of the blanket and slowly pulled it of Kris' head, Kris turned his head to face him. His eyes were swollen and red, his hair was messy , but his mouth was turned into a small smile... 

" I was right Adam... She WAS cheating on me... I was right... " 

" I'm sorry... I saw her this afternoon with some guy, but I didn't know it was that kind of guy, I thought he was just a friend of hers... " 

" A tall guy, curly blond hair and glasses ? " 

" Yeah, that's the one... " 

" Jeff... Her big love... God Adam, she even said she was only staying with me for the kids ! Can you believe that ?! I... I... I just can't... It's just like this is all a nightmare, and I just have to wake up and Katy will be here, there never was a Jeff, and we would live happily for the rest of our lives ! "

" I wish it was all a nightmare Kris... but it isn't... Where is Katy by the way ? "

" She packed her bags and left me... She just left... She didn't even say goodbye to Emma and Josh ! My God, how am I supposed to tell them that their mom has left us ? They're just kids ! What the hell am I supposed to tell them Adam ? " 

" Tell them the truth... You have smart kids Kris, especially Emma, she's a very bright 5 year old. Ofcourse it will hurt them, but they need to know... " 

" I guess so... " 

" The sooner, the better... I will get them for you, so you can tell them... " 

Adam wanted to stand up, but suddenly he felt Kris' hand around his wrist

" I can't do this alone Adam... Please stay... " 

" Ok, I will stay in the room then... but you're the one who's gonna tell them "

" I don't mean only now... I just can't stay alone in this house... I can't take care of the kids by myself, not for now anyway... Can't you move in here ? Or something like that... " 

" We'll talk about that later... I'm gonna get the kids now, and I will stay here for the night because I think you need some company, and I just wanna be there for you ! But we'll have to see about the ' moving in ' part... " 

Kris let go of his wrist and Adam stood up, he bent down again and gave Kris a kiss on his forehead before walking out the door.   
He told Alli that she could leave, he would take care of Kris and the kids. So she said bye to the kids and to Adam, whispered to Adam that he or Kris could always call her if she could do anything, and then she left.   
Adam turned off the TV, took Emma and Josh by the hand and went up the stairs to Kris' room.  
He watched them sitting on the bed, Kris telling them what had happened... He watched them cry and hug their daddy... All that time, Adam was just standing in the doorframe. Then he saw Kris looking at him with those big brown begging eyes and he just walked up to them and pulled them in a four men's hug.   
They didn't know how long they were sitting there like that, but suddenly the only sound you could hear, was the breathing sounds of four people asleep, cuddled against each other.


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning, Adam woke up first and when he looked beside him he saw Kris laying there with his 2 kids on either side of him, their arms tangled around him. He couldn't help but smile at that sight...   
He decided to get up and make some coffee and see what they could eat for breakfast, it was the least he could do.   
He went down to the kitchen, looked in the fridge and found some bacon and eggs, so he took out a pan, but first he put the coffee in the coffeemachine, then he started baking.   
When the kitchen already smelled like fresh coffee and bacon, he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. When he turned around he saw Kris standig in the doorway, his eyes still red and a bit swollen but he had a smile on his face, Adam knew it was forced, but he still smiled back at him, just to make Kris feel more comfortable 

" Goodmorning sunshine ! " 

" Hey... You made breakfast ? " 

" Uhu ! And coffee too ! " 

" Thanks... You shouldn't have... " 

" I know I shouldn't... But I did it anyway ! " 

" I'm not so hungry... " 

" Maybe you aren't, but I am ! I think the kids will be too ! " 

Kris shifted his feet and turned his head to the ground " I'm sorry if I sounded ungrateful... I'm just a mess... I... " 

Without letting Kris say another word,Adam walked up to him and pulled him into a hug 

" It's okay... You have every right to feel like crap... and you don't have to eat if you feel like you can't... Want some coffee ? " 

" Yeah... Coffee will be fine " 

Adam squeezed Kris one more time, then let him go to pour him a cup of coffee.   
Then they heard Emma calling from upstairs, the kids were awake, so Kris went back up to get them ready for breakfast.   
When all three of them came into the kitchen Adam could see the red eyes of Emma and especially of Josh... Josh loved his mother more than anyone, and the fact that she had just left him was tearing the little boy apart. Although he liked Adam, you could still see how much he wanted that his mother had made breakfast instead of Adam, and that she was sitting next to him at the table instead of Adam...   
They ate and drank quietly, nobody knew what to say... When they were done, a mother from a friend of Emma came to pick up the kids for school, so Kris and Adam were left alone to clean the table and do the dishes. When Adam poured water into the sink, Kris started talking again

" Have you thought about it ? " 

" About what ? "

" About moving in here ? " 

" Yeah I did... but I still don't know if that's a good idea... " 

" Come on Adam ! We've been roommates for almost a year ! " 

" This is different Kris... We both have our busy lives now... We're not exactly staying at the same spot anymore. Plus, I don't know if the kids would like me to move in here... " 

" I know that... But I'm putting that life on hold for a while... I'm not asking you to do the same, you can still do your tours and stuff, it's just that... I trust you... I need you around... You give me the strength to get through all this, just by being here, by making breakfast,... Oh, you know what I mean ! If I know that there's still someone here in the house I can rely on, it would make me feel a little better at least... " 

" But the kids ... " 

" They adore you ! Come on, you saw Emma's eyes brighten up when she saw you standing in the kitchen, Josh has it a ittle rougher... But you know he loves you too ! We'll ask them this evening when they're back from school what they think about you moving in with us " 

" I still need to think about it... Let's see what the kids say first, then I'll give you my answer "

" Ok, fair enough... You have plans for today ? " 

" I have a rehearsal planned this afternoon, but if you want to hang out, I can change it to tomorrow ? " 

" No, it's fine... Maybe I can come watch you guys ? It's been a while since I've seen you perform or heard you sing live... Except at Emma's birthdayparty... "

" Yeah, lets not think about that anymore... You can come watch us, as long as you're not gonna be in our way ! " 

" I'll never leave my seat ! Just to go to the bathroom... " 

" Ok, deal ! You can ride with me to the studio " 

So they had a deal... They finished doing the dishes,and then spent the rest of the morning talking, reading and watching TV .   
After lunch, they stepped into Adam's car and drove up to the studio.


	18. Chapter 18

When they arrived at the studio, Adam introduced Kris to Lisa, Tommy, Monte and Longineu . Kris was already impressed by them, only based on their appearences, but when he heard them play... He was completely blown away by them !   
And Adam was AMAZING ! His voice, his moves... Everything ! Kris could barely sit still on his chair, so he swayed a little from side to side.   
Adam was playing with him, like he always does with his audience, and Kris was completely mesmerized by him...   
Then Adam grabbed a chair and sat on it, he looked Kris straight in the eye and said... 

" I wanna do something else now... I wanna do an accoustic song, but since I can't play a guitar or any other instrument, I need you to play with me... You can borrow Tommy's guitar for this "He glanced sideways to Tommy " Or Tommy, you can play... We already did this song a few times so you know the chords. You just have to sit back and enjoy Kris ! " 

Tommy also took a chair and placed himself next to Adam. Adam whispered in his ear which song he wanted to sing, and with a smile Tommy began to play, and Adam began to sing... 

Live my life around a picture  
Taken when we met  
Spending all of my time  
Chasing your silhouette  
For all we go through  
I don't wanna change you  
It's my mind running in reverse  
Trying not to forget  
Who we were  
Where it's at  
Here we go

And we break and we burn  
And we turn it inside out  
To take it back to the start  
And through the rise and falling apart  
We discover who we are

Struggling with my thoughts  
Change the locks inside my head  
Reading between the lines  
Of what you say, and what you said  
I turn the radio on  
To drown me out  
Driving through the night to nowhere  
Trying to forget  
Who we were  
And where it's at  
Here we go

And we break and we burn  
And we turn it inside out  
To take it back to the start  
And through the rise and falling apart  
We discover who we are

And it's all  
To the wind  
It's all  
In our hands

It's all  
To the wind  
It's all  
In our hands 

When Adam was finished, Kris didn't know what to say... Adam had been staring into his eyes through the whole song as if he wanted to give a message to Kris... He didn't fully understand it, except the part that Adam wanted him to know that life is completely in your own hands, and durin' that life, you discover who you really are. He believed Adam sang it to support Kris, to let him know he would be there through the rising and the falling, like he was falling now...   
Adam was looking at him with some kind of expectancy in his eyes,so Kris shook himself out of his thoughts and said... 

" That was beautiful ! Thank you... "

" Thanks for what ? " 

" For singing this to me... " 

" So you get the message ? " 

" A part of it yeah... " 

" That part will be enough... You'll get through this, I know you will ! Just don't change yourself... " 

" I won't... I have you to snap me back to reality and to my former self ... " 

" As long as you remember that... Now, back to business ! " 

He turned back to his band and said : " that's a wrap guys ! see you all in 2 days ! " 

He picked up his stuff that was laying in the corner of the room, grabbed his keys out of his bag, went to Kris, then they both said goodbye to the others and went to Adam's car.


	19. Chapter 19

When Kris had picked up the kids from school he found Adam in the kitchen making dinner. He told the kids to go play until dinner was ready and started to set the table.   
Dinner went on calm and quiet, only Emma was babbling about school and her friends, Josh didn't say a word... He just ate his food and glanced at Adam sometimes, Adam pretended he didn't notice, he didn't want to make Josh feel awkward or something.   
When dinner was done and the kids wanted to watch TV, Kris stopped them... 

" Wait a minute kids, I wanna ask you something... " 

They stopped in their tracks and looked up at their dad, who gestured them to sit at the table again. When they sat down Kris looked over at Adam, who gave him the look that said " I'm not gonna ask them ! " , he sighed and then he asked his kids how they would feel about Adam moving in with them

" Yay ! Uncle Adam's gonna live with us ! " Emma screamed out of happiness.  
Josh didn't say anything, he was just staring at his feet...

" Josh ? How do you feel about that ? " Kris asked a little scared of what his son was thinking

" What about mommy ? " Josh's voice sounded a little scared

" Mommy isn't coming back buddy... I'm sorry... " Kris felt the tears well up in his eyes again

" I don't want to replace your mother Josh... I think your daddy could use some help here, and I want to help him ! It's nothing more than that... I promise you... " Adam just found the courage to speak up, 'cause he waw how hard it was on Kris that his son felt so hurt.

Josh looked in Adam's eyes to see if he really meant it, he could see it, Adam wasn't gonna take his mommy's place... He nodded and mumbled " Uncle Adam can live with us... "

Kris was relieved and stood up to pull both of his kids into a hug.  
Then he looked up at Adam, he still hadn't got an answer from him yet...

" Adam ? " 

" Yeah ? "

" Your answer... " 

" Hmmmm... Let me think... " Adam looked over at Kris and saw that he was afraid that Adam would say no, Adam couldn't hold back a smile " Ofcourse I'm moving in silly ! " 

Kris looked at him with tears stuck in his eyes, but they were happy tears, Adam smiled an winked at him.  
When the dishes were done, Adam left to pick some clothes and stuff up at his house and dropped by at his parents house to tell them he would be staying at Kris' place so they could call him there if they couldn't reach him on his cellphone.   
When he came back at Kris' place , there was a huge banner hanging in the livingroom saying " Welcome Home Uncle Adam " , He looked up at it in awe and smiled, his biggest smile ever, down at Kris, Emma and Josh, all three of them smiled back at him.   
Kris had said Adam could use Katy's closet to put in his clothes 'cause he didn't use it for anything anyway, so Adam went upstairs to unpack his bag.  
When he opened the closet, he found an enveloppe laying on a shelf, there was something scribbled on it in a very familiar writing, so Adam took it out the closet and read " To Emma & Josh ", it was Katy's handwriting...  
He put his colthes in the closet and went back downstairs, he called Kris and the kids into the livingroom, gave the enveloppe to Kris who widened his eyes at the familiar handwriting and gave it back to Adam saying : " You read it... I can't... "   
Adam nodded, explained to the kids it was a letter from their mom, and started reading it out loud...

Dear little angels, 

First of all, I want to apologize for not saying goodbye to you... I just thought it would be best to just leave the house after I told your dad that It didn't work between us anymore, without making a scene and dragging you both into this.  
I'm sorry that this all happened so suddenly, but it was time for me to let go...To let go of the lonelyness...   
Your daddy was away too often, and I had my work too, we barely saw eachother the last months.   
Then Jeff came around and I was lost... I fell in love with him...In the same way I had fallen in love with your daddy...  
I couldn't hurt your dad anymore... I had to be honest with him, and with myself...  
Don't think I don't love you kids anymore, ' cause I do... I still love you guys... But I think its best you stayed with your daddy...  
I wanna move on... Get my life back together ! And I can't do that if I have to spend some brief moments with my two children, the two things that make me remember my past, while I only wanna look ahead to the future...   
You're too young to understand all this, but your daddy will explain everything I'm sure...  
There's so much more that I could say, but I'll just leave it at this...  
Oh, jut one more thing... Adam, I know you're probabably reading this out loud 'cause Kris couldn't do it, take care of my 2... No, my 3 babies... 'cause Kris, whatever you may say, you're still a kid sometimes... And I've loved you just for that... 

Love,

Katy

 

When he had read the letter Adam was just sitting there, dumbstruck... He had tears in his eyes, which he didn't even know why exactly 'cause it wasn't really hurtful for him. He looks at Kris and the kids and then he exactly knows why he has tears in his eyes... Emma's sitting with her knees up curled up to her chest and her arms folded over them, looking at him wide eyed, tears rolling down her cheek... Josh is sitting in a corner of the room also his legs curled up to his chest, arms folded around them and his head laying on his arms... And Kris... This was probably the worst sight... Kris was sprawled down on the couch, his head burried under 2 pillows, his arms just lifeless laying next to his body, one hand on the floor, and he was shaking... Shaking from all the emotion, all the tears,all the pain of losing his loved one...   
Adam knew then why those tears had turned up in his eyes,they had turned up 'cause this letter had hurted the three people he cared about the most, maybe even more than he cared about himself, and what hurted them, hurted him too...


	20. Chapter 20

2 months had gone by since that day that Adam had read Katy's letter out loud. Emma and Josh had gotten to the point that they had accepted their mother's choice, and Kris was getting better little by little. He was even trying to write new songs for his new album ! Most of them were very dramatic and ofcourse they were about loving someone and then losing her/him... But atleast he tried to move on...   
Adam was proud of all three of them, how they handled this situation, he didn't know if he could do it if he was in their place... He still went on tour but he tried to call Kris every evening, or night, to see how he was doing. He was amazed how strong Kris had gotten in such little time... And incredibly proud ! Whenever he got back home Kris would always welcome him back with a hug, a big smile and a look in his eyes that didn't need words to expres what he felt. Adam really felt like this was His home, this was where he belonged... 

One morning he went out for breakfast, when he came back and went inside, he heard a crashing sound of something falling apart on the ground, followed by a loud thud... Then he heard Emma screaming " daddy ! DADDY ! " Adam dropped the bag with food on the ground and ran to the livingroom. He saw Kris sitting on the ground with his back against the kitchendoor, he was pale and his eyes were wide open just staring at the newspaper that he clasped in his left hand, his right hand was still holding the cup that was actually lying shattered on the floor, his hand was cramped... Emma was standing a few feet away from him, trying to get to her daddy without stepping on the pieces of the broken cup. Josh was still sitting at the table, watching his dad with open mouth. 

" Shit ! Emma wait ! You'll hurt yourself ! I still have my shoes on, I'll go to him ! " 

Adam went quickly to Kris and bent down his knees in front of him, he softly stroked Kris' cheek with his thumb until he got a reaction, Kris turned his eyes to him

" Kris... What's wrong ? " Adam's voice sounded worried

" The...paper...read... " Kris stumbled through the words but he couldn't make a full sentence

Adam took the newspaper out of Kris' hand and immediatly saw what had caused this... There was a big headline saying " Katy O'Connell , ex wife of one of our American Idols Kris Allen, already spotted with another man ! And they have plans... "   
Adam read on : 

After finding Katy O'Connell in a restaurant with another guy than Kris Allen, we were curious of finding out if this was her new boyfriend ? And it was !   
She even agreed with a little interview saying that this was the man of her dreams... Although she had loved Kris, this was different !   
Wen we asked if they had plans next, she blushed a little and showed us the new ring on her hand... She's engaged !   
more of the interview you can read on page 5 .

Adam stared at it breathlessly...   
There was also a picture of Katy and Jeff smiling brightly and holding hands , with the look of love gleaming in their eyes.  
He stood up and threw away the paper, he didn't want to read the whole interview, and Kris shouldn't either... He went back to Kris and pulled him up, he was getting a little color back and his eyes were back to their normal size. 

" Why ? Why is this happening ? " 

" I don't know... " 

" She's engaged Adam, she's fucking engaged ! " Kris let out a crazy laugh while shakin' his head furiously to get rid of the tears that were wellin' up in his eyes

" Kris... " 

" The divorce isn't even settled yet... I still have to sign the papers ! And she's already engaged to someone else ?! Dear God ! How could I be so naive, so foolish... " 

" Shhh, it's okay Kris... Nobody could see this coming... " Adam pulled him into a hug, but Kris pushed him away

" No ! leave me alone ! I don't need your pity ! " 

" Kris please... " 

Kris just ran upstairs to his room, Adam heard the door slam...   
Emma and Josh were looking at Adam, they were scared... They didn't know why their dad had reacted like that...  
Adam told them their daddy was a lttle hurt over something he read in the newspaper, but he assured them that he would be fine again.  
They still weren't completely sure, but Adam's reassuring smile made them nod and they went to play a little before they were picked up to go to school.  
Adam cleaned up the mess of the cup and the coffeestains, then he went upstairs. He didn't care if Kris would send him away, he just needed to see if he really was gonna be okay ...  
He knocked on the door and he heard a soft " go away... " which he ignored and entered the room anyway

" Hey... " 

" I said : go away ! Which part of it you don't understand ? " 

" I understand it completely, I just ignored it... " 

" Figures... " 

" I just wanted to make sure you're alright... " 

" Oh, I'm fine ! Never been better ! Will you go away now ? " 

" Kris... sweetie... Please... " 

Adam walked over to the bed where Kris was laying on and sat next to him, Kris shot him a glance of angryness but Adam could see beyond that and saw the helplesness instead

" It's okay to feel hurt... Just don't lock it away like that ! If you want to scream... then scream ! If you want to cry... then cry ! If you want to hold on to me, 'cause I know I'd love to hold you right now... then hold me ! I'm here for you... so don't shut me out... Okay ? " 

With that said, Kris looked at him and slowly the tears started to well up in his eyes... His hand tugged at Adam's arm and Adam moved closer to him, Kris wrapped his arms around him and burried his face in Adam's chest .   
Adam wrapped his arms around Kris' back and stroked softly up and down, while saying soothing words in his ear.


	21. Chapter 21

A week later, it was time for Kris to go to court to sign the divorce papers. Adam had wanted to go with him but he had a show to do that evening, and he really had to rehearse that day, so he couldn't...   
Kris had asked his parents to pick up the kids after school and if they could spend the night with them 'cause he wanted to be alone that evening, they agreed with it as always...  
After breakfast, when Adam had to leave for rehearsal, he wanted to talk to Kris first...

" Are you gonna be alright today ? "

" I'll be fine... "

" Hmm... I'm sorry I can't come along with you today... "

" I have to do it myself Adam... You can't sign those papers in my place, can you ? "

" No I can't... "

" Stop worrying about me and go on already ! You'll be late for your rehearsal ! "

Adam gave Kris a quick hug and then left as fast as he could. He still wasn't sure if Kris would be alright today... Maybe rehearsal could take his mind of worrying about him, but he seriously had his doubts about that...

~~

Kris couldn't eat anything when it was lunchtime... He was too nervous. At 2:00 in the afternoon, he had to be at the courtroom, but he had an appointment at 1:00 with his lawyer to go over the things he had to say, and the things he better kept quiet.  
He arrived at the court with his lawyer at 1:50, so they still had ten minutes to go through all those things one more time. Katy arrived 5 minutes later and when he saw her, he was getting more and more doubts... She looked beautiful... And the only thing he wanted to do is hug her and take her home. He was forgetting why they were even there... But then Jeff came in and he realised he had no other choice than to sign the papers... They had to wait a couple more minutes in the hall. He tried to catch Katy's eye but she was clearly avoiding him... Then it was finally time for them to go inside. There was a lot of talking about who would get what but Katy said she didn't want anything, she moved out so the house was for Kris and her letter already made it clear she wanted Kris to have the kids too... Then it was time to sign the papers... Katy did it quickly, but when it was Kris' turn he froze with his pen in his hand... Was this really the right thing to do ? He looked over at Katy who gave him a questioning look before turning to Jeff... He turned back to the papers but still couldn't do it... His mind was racing at high speed... Everything that happened between him and Katy, from when they met 'till now, was going through his mind... He slowly lowered his hand and wanted to drop the pen without signing, but then he felt someone squeeze his hand... He looked beside him and saw Adam standing next to him with a determined look on his face, Kris really needed to sign these papers. He nodded at him, turned back to the papers, took a firmer grip on the pen and signed them. He looked back at Adam and saw his face soften into a empathetic smile and squeezed his hand again. Kris didn't let go of his hand, he just walked out the door hand in hand with Adam... 

" I thought you had a rehearsal ? " 

" Yeah... But I couldn't get it straight., my thoughts were with you... I cancelled the show for tonight too "

" Adam... "

" I won't get into trouble ! I explained it to the band and they understood, the rest will understand too... I can't let you be alone tonight "

" Adam... "

" Don't you dare to try and talk me out of it ! I'm staying home with you tonight ! "

" I know I can't talk you out of it ! I wanted to say something else... "

" Oh... What did you wanna say then ? " 

" Thank you... " 

Adam looked into Kris' eyes and saw they were teary... He stroked the back of Kris' hand with his thumb " Don't mention it... " 

Kris didn't have to say why he said thank you, Adam already knew... It was for being there for him... Not only today, but from the very beginning...   
They walked together to Kris' car, 'cause Adam came with a cab, and they drove home... Their home...


	22. Chapter 22

Kris and Adam had a quiet night together. They were having a moviemarathon with everey possible love story they could find, which ended everytime with Kris crying in Adam's arms and Adam soothing him... Kris loved torturing himself with watching those movies as long as Adam was by his side... And Adam didn't seem to mind either... Everytime he saw the tears coming up in Kris' eyes, he opened up his arms and let Kris fall into them. They even fell asleep like that... The next morning, Kris woke up first, finding himself cradled up into Adam's protective arms. He smiled to himself as he lifted his head up and saw Adam laying there, still peacefully asleep... He carefully got out of Adam's arms and made his way to the bathroom after turning off the TV who still was on the black screen after the tape had stopped, they obviously didn't see the end of that movie... He took a shower, brushed his teeth, got dressed and went back downstairs. When he came into the livingroom he saw Adam sitting up in the couch, wiping the sleep from his eyes, his hair standing straight up and in odd angles, he couldn't help but smile at that sight. He walked closer to him, and by hearing the sound of footsteps, Adam drowzily lifted his head up and smiled at him

" Goodmorning sleeping beauty ! " Kris said smirking

" Hmm... 'morning yourself... You ok ? " 

" I'm fine... I slept really well... " 

" Hmm... Me too... Although it was on a couch, it felt pretty comfortable " 

" Yeah... It was very comfortable... " he felt himself starting to blush and quickly turned his head away " So... Any plans for today ? "

" Yeah I have actually... But it's a surprise ! "

" A surprise ? " Kris cocked his eyebrow at Adam

" Yes, a surprise... You'll see ! I'm gonna take a shower first and put some other clothes on... I'll see you in a bit "

" Ok, I'll make some coffee and get us some breakfast "

" Great ! "

When Adam came back downstairs and walked into the kitchen breakfast was ready and Kris was sitting at the table reading the newspaper and nipping at his coffee. He smiled at Adam when he saw him come in and gestured him to sit down. They ate quietly until Kris thought of what Adam had said

" Now tell me... What is the surprise thing ? "

" You're too curious boy ! You'll see... I'm not gonna spoil ! "

" Hmmm.... " Kris' face turned into a pout

Adam laughed " That's not gonna work Kris ! I'm sorry... I called your parents by the way, they said the kids would be ready in 10 minutes "

" The kids are involved in this surprise too ? "

" It's saturday so they don't have to go to school, I figured we could take them with us... They don't know anything about it either, it's a surprise for them too "

Kris gave up... They cleaned the table and washed the dishes, then they took their coatsand Adam took his keys and drove away to pick up Josh and Emma. The kids were ecstatic when Adam told them he had a surprise for them, they quickly said goodbye to their grandparents and jumped into the car. Adam and Kris followed them soon, and they drove away...

~~

When they arrived at their destination, Kris let out a gasp... They were at the beach, and not any kind of beach, but the most beautiful one he ever saw... He looked at Adam with his mouth open, Adam looked back with a smile and a happy spark in his eyes. The kids were looking out of their windows, and for once, they were lost for words...

" Adam... "

" Kris ? "

" How did you find this ? " 

" Tommy told me about it... He comes here once in a while, just because not many people know that there's a beach here... I told him I wanted to cheer you up, and so he told me about this place. I actually came to see it first before I would take you and the kids here, and I fell in love with it... What do you think ? You like it here ? "

" It's Beautiful ! I never saw something like this before... I'm speechless... "

Adam smiled happily and turned around to look at the kids " What are you waiting for kiddo's ? Go play in the sand ! Your dad and I will be there in a minute... "

The kids stormed out of the car and ran to the beach, Adam and Kris stepped out of the car and Adam went to the back of his car to open his trunk, Kris followed him. In the trunk were laying : two tents, 4 sleepingbags, 4 pillows, a basket full of food and drinks and a bag with clothes... Kris stared at them... 

" Are we going to sleep here ? " 

" Yes we are... Tommy gave me the number of the owner of this beach and he said it would be okay for one night... I brought food and drinks too, I hope it's enough... "

" Adam I ... I don't know what to say... " 

" Then don't say anything... The look on your face says more than enough to me... " 

Kris stepped closer to Adam, who opened his arms for him, and he wrapped his arms around him, Adam closed his arms around him... They were standing there like that for a few minutes, when they heard the happy laughter of Josh and Emma, Adam pulled away

" We'd better go check on them... Who knows what they're up to ! "

" Yeah... Can't wait to lay down on that sand ! " 

They both took the things out of the trunk and carried them to the beach, as soon as they got there, they dropped the things in the sand and settled themselves beside them.   
This feeled like heaven...

~~

When the evening fell, they put up there tents, one for the kids and one for themselves. They had spent their whole day there just laying on the beach and playing in the sea, Adam had thought of bringing swimsuits for the 4 of them, then they had a picknick at lunchtime and at at dinner time. It had been an amazing day and Kris hadn't thought of Katy or their divorce all day... All thanks to Adam... Now it was time to go to bed for the kids, Kris and Adam stayed up a little longer just sitting next to eachother, staring at the sea... Kris got too tired after a while and decided to go to sleep, Adam followed him and they were both fast asleep soon. Kris woke up after a few hours and looked beside him to see that Adam was gone... He pushed himself up and looked out of the tent, there he saw Adam, standing in the moonlight... God, did he look beautiful... Kris wriggled himself out of his sleepingbag and went out of the tent, walking up to Adam... Adam didn't hear Kris coming so he looked around, looking startled, when he felt a hand on his lower back, he gave a weak smile when he saw Kris standing next to him

" Hey... " Adam whispered

" Hey yourself... " Kris smiled " Couldn't sleep anymore ? " 

" No... I was thinking too much... "

" About what ? "

" Just stuff... "

" Tell me... "

" I don't want to bother you with it "

" Come on Adam, be real ! You're always there for me... now for once, let me be there for you ! " 

Adam sighed " Fine... Did you ever wish you could redo something ? Like you could just go back to the start of everything, and just redo it... " 

" I don't know... I never really thought about it... I don't think I wanted to think about it, not after what happened with Katy... " 

" Yeah... I think I have to tell you something Kris... "

" What is it ? " 

" I love you Kris... " Adam smiled uneasy as he saw the confused and shocked look on Kris' face " That's why I broke our friendship 5 years ago... I just couldn't stand it anymore ! You being with Katy... You even had a kid when we were on tour ! I tried to deal with it, to deal with the pain I felt in my chest everytime I saw you with her, I tried to be your friend... But I couldn't do it anymore... I wanted to get you out of my mind... I wanted to forget you... "

" Adam... "

" No Kris ! Just let me finish this, Please... " Adam bit down on his lip as he looked down into Kris' eyes, it hurt, it hurt like hell... But he had to tell him this... 

Kris just nodded, a worried look on his face

" So I decided to let you go... Let you live the life you deserved... But I never stopped watching you... I followed everything you did, every award you've got, every interview you did, every song you sang... I've seen and heard it all... I was so proud of you, I still AM proud of you ! You're amazing Kris... You really are... "

Kris softly started to stroke Adam's back when he fell silent, Adam saw it as an encouragement and continued

" I wanted to get back into your life somehow... But I couldn't... Until Kara took me backstage after your performance on Idol... I didn't know what to expect... But you were the same guy as you were back then... You were sweet and forgiving and just as cuddly as you always where. At that moment I decided to put my feelings of love away, just lock them inside and to never let them come out again... I just wanted to be your friend again ! And this time I would succeed... " a sigh came out of Adam's mouth " Guess I failed again... I'm still in love with you Kris... I thought I had my feelings under control by now, but I haven't... I understand if you don't want me around you anymore now that you know everything... I'll just bring you and the kids back to your house tomorrow, I'll pack my stuff and I'll be out of the house in no time... I would still like to be your friend if you let me... I just don't think I should be living with you anymore... "

Kris had stopped stroking Adam's back... Adam looked at him and didn't know what to make of the look on his face... He wasn't looking at Adam anymore, he was just staring blankly at the sea... This was it , thought Adam, Kris didn't want to be his friend anymore... He had even ruined that ! Adam dropped his head to the ground and started to walk away when he suddenly felt a strong hand around his wrist, stopping him from walking away... He looked back over his shoulder and saw Kris staring at him, tears ready in the corner of his eyes...

" Kris ? "

" Don't... "

" Don't what ? " Adam looked confused

" Don't walk away... Please... I... I need to say something too... "

Adam walked back to him, Kris didn't let go of his wrist though... He clinged on to it like it was his last chance of surviving... Adam stood right before Kris, looking straight into his eyes so he could see every emotion pouring from them into his own

" Adam I ... I don't know how I feel about you anymore... I mean, I 've loved you as a friend, I always did ! Even during those five years apart... But for a while now, it's beginning to grow... And as I think about it, It was always there... I just ignored it... I love you too Adam... In a lover's way... But I can't do this right now... " Kris shifted his feet nervously " After everything that's been going on between me and Katy... I can't throw myself into another relationship... And now it's even with a guy... Who would have imagined that huh ? " Kris laughed nervously " I don't want you to move out of the house ! But... Atleast for now... Can we just be friends ? I need you Adam... I really, Really do... Please, don't leave me... " 

Adam stared at him for a few minutes, not sure of what to say, not sure there would even come a sound out of his mouth if he opened it. He just opened his arms and wrapped them around Kris' waist and pulled him closer, Kris burried his head into Adam's chest... After a while Adam pulled away and looked down to look in Kris' eyes, Kris was already looking up, so he quickly found them

" I'm okay with being friends, I already told you that... And I won't leave you if you don't want me to... "

" I don't want you to... "

" Then I won't leave you.... "  
Adam pulled Kris back in and felt his shirt getting wet from Kris' tears... He rested his head on top of Kris' and finally let his own tears fall down...  
There they were... Standing in the moonlight... Broken... But not lost... They still had eachother, so they could never be lost...


	23. Chapter 23

A week later : 

Kris was starting to get his life back together... He was writing songs again, had recorded a few even, he went to rehearsals and his first 'come back ' show was planned in a few days. Adam was still living with him and his kids, the kids were totally fond of him, even Josh wasn't talking about his mom anymore, and he and Kris only became closer and closer... Every evening, since their little trip to the private beach, when Emma and Josh were in bed, they settlled themselves on the couch in front of the tv and Kris always made sure he ended up in Adam's arms one way or another, even if he didn't had a reason for it... When he did that, Adam always smiled at him with a look in his eyes that could only mean that he loved it, that was one of the reasons why Kris did that, the other one was simple... It just felt right...   
Adam always made him feel good about himself... When he had his doubts about his songs that he wrote, 'cause they were still a bit depressing, he would sing them for Adam so he could tell him what he thought. He knew Adam would be honest about it, 'cause that's just the way Adam is. Adam told him that they were a bit dark, but he loved that, he loved how Kris was able to tell what he felt through his songs, 'cause he did the same thing... They were both very busy those days... But they still tried to make time for the kids and for themselves. Everything seemed so perfect...

~~

One evening :

Adam was sleeping very peacefully... Until he heard a soft sobbing... He thought he had imagined it first but then it became louder and he heard his door open... He opened his eyes and saw Emma standing there, teddybear in one hand, the other hand was wiping the tears out of her eyes. Adam pushed himself to sit up and gestured to Emma that she should come sit on the bed too, Emma went to sit on the bed next to Adam, Adam put his hand over her shoulder and pulled her in for a hug

" What's wrong sweetie ? " 

" I... I had a bad dream... "

" Oh... Want to tell me about it ? "

" Mommy was here and she was fighting with daddy and then you came in and tried to calm them down, but mommy had a gun and she pointed it at you and she shot at you, but daddy pushed you away and then he fell to the floor and then the floor was all red... And you were crying and screaming and... " 

Adam pulled her in closer and held her tight... He was shocked... That sweet little girl had just dreamed that she saw her dad getting murdered by her mom... She still suffered from the divorce... More than she had ever wanted to tell them... She was so happy that Adam stayed with them that she never even spoke of her mom or how she felt about the divorce... Now Adam had a slight idea of what she really felt... She was scared... So scared to lose her daddy too... He had to let her know that that wouldn't happen

" That's a pretty scary dream honey... You okay now ? "

" I don't wanna be alone right now... But I didn't wanna wake daddy... "

" So you decided to wake Me up instead " Adam smiled at her as he saw her starting to blush " It's okay, you can stay here... Shall I sing you to sleep ? "

" I would love that ! " 

When Emma was fast asleep he stood up, picked her up carefully and walked to the door, he saw Kris standing in the hallway looking at them with a sweet little smile on his face. Adam smiled back at him, Kris opened the door of Emma's room for him and Adam softly placed her on the bed and put her sheets on her. When he walked out, Kris closed the door behind him silently, then they both walked up to Adam's room but Kris held his arm to stop him from walking in so Adam turned around to face him. He saw Kris smiling at him with a glow in his eyes that he couldn't make out what it meant... 

" What ? "

" I thought I heard someone singing...So I came to take a look... "

" Oh, you heard it... Yeah, Emma couldn't sleep anymore so... "

" Why didn't she came to me then ? "

" I don't know... I guess she didn't want to wake you up... "

" Hmm... " Kris tried to hide the disappointment in his voice and eyes, he had wanted that his little girl had come to him instead of to Adam " I'm going back to sleep... I'll see you tomorrow... "

" Kris... "

" It's fine Adam... Goodnight "

" 'Night Kris... "

He watche Kris enter his bedroom and close the door before he went inside his own. He lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling, he had seen and heard the hurt and disappointment in Kris' voice when he had told him that his little girl had came to him instead of her daddy when she couldn't sleep anymore... He would talk about it with Kris in the morning, but first, he needed to sleep some more...

 

~~

 

The next morning Kris was very grumpy... Especially when he spoke to Adam... Adam tried to act as normal as always , but when the kids had left for school he quickly turned to Kris, he had to talk this out

" What's wrong with you Kris ? "

" What's wrong with me ? Do you even have to ask ? "

" I have a pretty good guess at what it is... But I'd prefer you just tell me... " 

" Fine ! Why does my little girl suddenly come to you to sing her a song when she can't sleep ? when she used to come to me if that happened "

" I knew it... "

" Bet you did ! Now tell me why ?! "

" She had a nightmare Kris... "

" About what ? "

" You... getting killed by Katy... "

" WHAT ? "

" She's scared to lose you... She already lost her mom, now she's scared she's gonna lose you too... "

" That's not gonna happen ! " 

" You know that and I know that, but she doesn't... She's 5 years old Kris... We keep on forgetting that sometimes because she's so damn smart for her age... But when it comes to feelings, she shoves them away... Just locks them away inside... And I know from who she's got that... The apple doesn't fall far from the tree... " 

" Ha ha... Very funny... "

" I'm not joking Kris... She's scared, she really is ! And to think that we didn't realize that... "

" So you're saying I'm a bad father now ? "

" What ?! What's that supposed to mean ? I didn't say... " 

" You're saying I didn't see that my little girl is sad and scared ! And that makes me a bad father ! "

" Kris, no... Don't do this... Don't put words into my mouth that I didn't say, and certainly wouldn't mean it if I did... " 

" Maybe you aren't saying it but I am ! How couldn't I see that Adam ? Why couldn't I see behind the mask ? She's my little girl and I can't even see what she's really going through with the divorce ? I thought she was fine with it... I really did ! I failed Adam... I failed in being a good dad to her... " Kris started to cry

" Kris... " Adam stepped closer to him " Kris, listen to me... You are not a bad father you hear me ?! You are the greatest dad any kid could wish for ! I didn't see it either, I thought she was fine too... And I know it's your daughter, but I know a lot about keeping feelings locked inside... And maybe I should've noticed it, 'cause I always notice it when you're doing that... She's just like you Kris... She's just as smart, just as cute and just as talented as you are ! But you're not so good in letting your feelings show...Only in your songs... Maybe that was the problem... You need to analyze your feelings more, and those from your kids...Try to learn that, and every kid in the whole world would want you as their dad ! " 

Kris didn't say anything anymore... Maybe Adam was right ? Maybe that was the problem... Maybe he had to learn to deal with emotions some more... He looked up at Adam, who was now really close to him, and he felt his arms around his waist, so Kris wrapped his arms around Adam's waist too

" Maybe you're right... "

" Oh I am ! And by the way... I'll help you with the emotions thing... I think it will help me too... " 

" You're more than welcome to help me... I'll try and help you too... " He kept on staring in Adam's eyes and before he knew it he blurted out " I love you... " 

Adam knew what Kris had meant to say was " thank you " but the sound of those 3 little words made his heart skip a beat... They sounded so sweet,so helpless, so heartfelt... he couldn't help but bend down his head and kiss Kris right on his mouth... Soft but sweet... When he realised what he was doing, and before he could do more damage by using his tongue, he pulled back. He saw Kris looking at him in shock...Oh no... What had he done ?! He quickly pulled his hands of Kris' waist and pulled Kris' hands from his, he needed to get out of here... Now ! 

" I'm sorry... I... I have a rehearsal ! " which wasn't a lie 'cause he had one, but it was in the afternoon and it was only 10:00 a.m. now...

" Adam... Your rehearsal is this afternoon... Just... "

" Y-Yeah... But I've got a text from Tommy, saying he wanted to meet me to grab some lunch, so... I really have to go now... "

" But we... "

" We'll talk later ok ? " 

Adam grabbed his carkeys and stumbled to the door without looking back at Kris... He was too scared to see the hurt and the disappointment, and who knows what else, in Kris'eyes and face... He ran to his car, jumped in and quickly drove off.   
He didn't see Kris standing at the window, staring as Adam drove off, his finger still on his lips where Adam had kissed him...


	24. Chapter 24

At the restaurant : 

Adam had called Tommy to meet him at their favourite restaurant before rehearsal after he had left Kris' house. He really needed to talk to someone, and Tommy was the first person that came up in his mind.   
Adam wasn't really eating much... He was just playing with it most of the time, until Tommy had enough of it...

" Will you please Stop playing with your food and tell me what's wrong already?! "

" There's nothing wrong... "

" Oh no... You call me, telling me to meet you here before rehearsal and grab some food while we have a talk, well we're here now, and you're not eating or talking at all! No, there's Really Nothing wrong with you... Not at all! "

" Are you being sarcastic? 'cause I don't like that... "

" Geez, Adam... Just spill the beans already! You wanted to talk, then talk! "

" Fine! I kissed him... "

" Who? "

" Don't play dumb Tommy... Kris ofcourse... "

" Well, you've kissed me too, and I don't recall you lost you're apetite after that... "

" Ha ha Very funny... "

" Sorry, but what's the big deal ? You've kissed lots of guys " Tommy sighed when he saw the hurt on Adam's face and decided to get serious " Look, Adam... "

Adam cut him off " That's the point Tommy... I've kissed lots of guys without really meaning it, without emotions... And I Can do that 'cause I'm Adam the confident GlamKing! Hell, I can even tell them I love them without really meaning it, just to show a little affection 'cause I like that person, but it has nothing to do with the real meaning of the word ' love '. I hear that word like all the time! My fans yell ' I love you Adam!! ' every 5 minutes! And I can say it back to them 'cause they really mean something to me, 'cause they're so supportive of me... But when I hear those 3 words coming out of Kris Allen's mouth... I completely loose myself... "

" Wait a minute... He told you he loved you?! "

" Yeah... Then I kissed him, and then I ran away... "

" Oh boy... He's really got a hold on you... " he sighed again " Adam, I know you've had this crush on him since the beginning of your Idol adventure, and then you decided you didn't want to see him anymore 'cause you thought it would be the best for both of you... Well, it obviously wasn't the best thing to do... I saw you were hurt Adam... Those five years without Kris were hurting you and you did it all to yourself... You were hiding behide that mask of yours, but everytime the producers or anyone else said something about Kris, the look in your eyes changed for just a second, but I noticed it... I always did... "   
He looked at Adam and saw that his eyes were transfixed on him so he continued " I love you Adam, I really do... You know I only want the best for you! I know how you feel about Kris, and it's clear now that he feels the same about you, so what's holding you back? He's divorced now Adam, he hasn't got a wife anymore that can keep him from being with you, which she never did 'cause you already did that for her... I'm sorry, but it's true! You can glare at me all you want, it's not gonna help you with Kris! If you want him that badly, then go for it ! Don't be a wussy and tell him! Tell him you want to be more than friends! "

" What if he's not ready ? "

" He will be ready... I've seen the way he looks at you when he's on one of our rehearsals... He's madly in love with you... One of you has got to get the guts to tell the other before it's too late... Which I don't think will happen soon, but just in case ! " Tommy smiled but looked at Adam with his most determined look in his eyes

" Yeah, I guess you're right... I'll tell him after rehearsal " He smiled back at Tommy while looking in his eyes " I knew I called the right guy... Thanks Glitterbaby! And by the way... I love you too... "

Tommy smiled more bightly at Adam, Adam returned it just as bright. This love was real, but only as friends.

~~

Meanwhile at Kris' house : 

Kris was still staring out of the window as if that would bring Adam back, when he suddenly was disturbed by the ringing of his phone

" Hello ? " 

" Kris? It's Leila "

" Oh, hey Mrs Lambert! How are you? "

" Uhm, not so good... Is Adam there with you? "

" No, he left early to grab some lunch with Tommy and then they would go to rehearsal together. Is something wrong? "

" I've been trying to call him all morning... Neil's in the hospital... " 

" What?!? What happened? "

" He crashed with his motorcycle... He's hurt pretty bad... The doctor said he might not even be able to walk again... Why isn't Adam answering his phone goddamnit! Why bother to buy one if you never put it on! " Leila burst out in tears

" I'm sorry... I... I'll go to the studio were he's rehearsing and I'll tell him and I'll take him directly to the hospital! "

" Thank you Kris... "

" You're welcome... And I really hope everything will be alright with Neil... "

" I hope so too sweetie, I hope so too... " 

Kris put down his phone. Damnit! Why did this have to happen... Why right Now!? He grabbed his car keys and left to drive to the studio.   
This would be a shock for Adam... A BIG shock...


	25. Chapter 25

When Kris got to the studio he ran inside, looking for Adam, he couldn't find him but then he saw Tommy so he walked up to him, Tommy noticed Kris was walking up to him and smiled

" Well well, if it isn't mr pocket idol himself! What brings you here? "

" Hey Tommy, I'm looking for Adam, do you know where he is? We really need to talk... "

" I'm sure you do! But I'm afraid he's recording a song right now, and you know he hates to be disturbed when he's recording, so I think your little talk has to wait until he's done... " 

" I'm afraid it can't wait Tommy... It's serious! I know he probably told you about the kiss, and we do have to talk about that, but this is about something different... His mom called me 'cause he didn't pick up his phone, Neil's laying in the hospital... " 

" Oh god, I'm sorry... I didn't know... Wait here, I'll go get him! '

Tommy walked away and a few minutes later Adam came running through the hall, stopping in front of Kris and putting his hand on his shoulders, he tried to catch his breath

" Kris...What...Happened...To... Neil...? " Adam panted

" He crashed with his motorcycle...It's pretty bad... Your mom said the doctor told her he might never be able to walk again... " he looked at Adam and saw the tears forming in his eyes, he pulled him in for a hug and softly whispered in his ear " Shhhh, it's okay, he's gonna be alright... Lets go to the hospital so you can see him "

Adam's body tensed, he pulled his head back up from Kris' shoulder to look into his eyes " I can't Kris... I can't see him like that... I'm... "

Kris looked back trying to calm Adam down, he started to slowly massage his back with his fingers to make his muscles relax a little " It's okay Adam, I'll go with you, so you won't be alone..." he felt Adam relax a little and pulled away from the hug to grab his hand " Come on let's go... " 

Adam nodded and followed Kris to his car, leaving his own on the parkinglot of the studio, he would come back for it later. Adam didn't say a word through the whole ride to the hospital... He was just staring out of the window, tears still falling from his eyes now and then... Kris put one hand on Adam's leg while he was driving, he could drive the car with one hand, he just wanted to comfort Adam a little.   
When they walked through the hallways of the hospital to get to Neil's room, Adam still hadn't spoken a word, when they arrived at Neil's room he stopped outside the door and looked at Kris

" I can't go in there Kris... I just can't... " he looked helplessly hurt

" I know it's scary Adam, but it's your little brother in there and he needs you right now, so just let us go in and.. " 

Adam shook his head furiously and cut Kris off " No, you don't understand! It's my fault he's laying there... "

Kris cocked his eyebrow " Your fault? How could it be your fault, he just crashed, I don't know how but I think your parents can tell us, but this isn't your fault Adam! Come on, you shouldn't be thinking like that! " Kris put his hand on the doorknob but Adam pulled it away before he could turn it

" I bought him the motorcycle... " Adam's eyes filled with tears again " My parents didn't want to buy him one 'cause they think it's too dangerous, but he wanted it so much that I bought him one for his birthday, and now this... It's all my fault... My mom's gonna kill me "

Kris wrapped his arms around Adam's waist and pulled him in " Okay, so you bought him the motorcycle...That doesn't mean that this accident is your fault! You couldn't know that this would happen, nobody could! And your mom's not gonna kill you Adam... Let's get inside the room now "

Kris was ready to open the door when he saw Leila coming down the hall with a coffee in her hand, when she saw Kris and Adam she fastened her steps to get to them and pulled Adam into a hug, almost spilling her coffee over him. Adam looked relieved, returned the hug and patted Leila's back, then Leila pulled away and hugged Kris

" I'm so glad you're here, both of you... Neil's asleep from the painmedication he gets, but you can go inside, he'll be happy to see you when he wakes up " 

Adam looked at his mother nervously " Mom, how did this happen? "

" It was raining and there was a big puddle of oil on the road, a truck must have had a leak, so it was very slippery and he lost control of his motorcycle and fell off, his motorcycle landed straight on his legs... I knew those things were dangerous, why did he want one in the first place? He never should have... "

Adam cut her off before she could finish her sentence " I knew you would say that! He never should have gotten one, huh? I never should have bought him one... You're blaming me! You see Kris, I was right! My little brother's laying there in that hospitalroom and it's all my fault! Even my mother thinks it is! I've gotta get out of here... " he turned on his heels and ran away, before Kris could stop him

" Adam wait! " Leila called after him " I didn't..." Adam was already gone... She turned to Kris " I wasn't going to say that... I was going to say that Neil never should have asked Adam for a motorcycle, 'cause he knows Adam can't say no to him... I don't blame Adam for this, I really don't "

Kris put his hand on Leila's shoulder " I know you don't... Adam just blames himself and he Thinks you blame him too, so he convinces himself that he really is the one to blame for all of this and he's too stubborn to admit to himself that he's wrong, and that nothing of this is his fault... But I'll talk it out of him... He'll be alright, don't worry... "

Leila looked gratefully at Kris " Thank you..I'm already worried about one of my sons, I don't want to be worried about both of them... " she put her hand on the doorknob " You want to come inside? "

" No, I think I'm gonna go after Adam... I'll come back later, hopefully Adam will come with me then, when he's a little more awake. Bye mrs Lambert, try not to worry too much about Adam... "

" I'll try... Goodbye Kris "

They waved goodbye one last time, then Kris left the hospital. He found Adam, sitting in his car in the passengers seat , he got into his car and looked at Adam, Adam didn't look back but just shook his head, Kris knew it meant he didn't wanna talk so he just put his keys in to start the engine. They didn't say a word to eachother the whole ride home, and when they got their, Adam jumped out of the car as fast as he could, grabbed the spare key of the house that Kris had given him, opened the door and ran inside and up the stairs, he locked himself up in his room. Kris knew this was going to happen so he didn't pay much attention to it. He could talk to Adam tomorrow when he had calmed down, he wouldn't listen to him now anyway... He called his parents to say he was home and they could bring the kids over, then he started to make dinner, thinking about how he could convince Adam he was wrong and the accident wasn't his fault.   
It will be hard to do, but he will try... He really wants to help Adam get through this...


	26. Chapter 26

A week had gone by, and Adam still hadn't visited his brother in the hospital. Kris had visited him a couple of times and Neil always asked for Adam, when Kris said he didn't know when he would come, Neil always said " He still blames himself, doesn't he? " and Kris always nodded. Adam was just a ghost of his former self, he drank, he didn't care about his looks anymore, he didn't care about his music career anymore,... He just wasn't himself anymore...  
Kris tried everything to get through to Adam, but nothing worked... Even Josh and Emma noticed that there was something wrong with their uncle Adam. Adam tried to play with them sometimes, but after a few minutes he would stop and just sprawl himself on the couch again, pretending he was tired from working all day. The truth was that he had been drinking too much again the past evening, which he did every evening now, just drinking until he fell asleep on the couch. Kris always cleaned the bottles that were laying on the floor up the next morning, sometimes with a lot of noice so Adam would wake up from it, which made him more grumpy than he already was, but Kris didn't care, he had enough of it. He was sick and tired of seeing Adam like that, he wanted him to get a grip and do something about it... Like going to his mom and talk things over. Kris had tried over and over again to tell him that his mother didn't blame him for the accident, but Adam didn't wanna hear about it... One evening it became all too much for Kris, he had send his kids to their grandparents that evening so he could talk to Adam without them overhearing it and without having to be scared, 'cause Kris was sure that there would be screaming... Adam was getting drunk again, he was just unbottling his next one when Kris rippd it out of his hands, Adam scowled at him and tried to get it back but Kris wouldn't let him, he placed it somewhere Adam couldn't reach it from the couch and made sure that Adam would stay on the couch by sitting on his lap, as much as he loved to do that, he didn't like it right now... Adam was trying to push him off, but finally gave in, but the angryness showed in his eyes...

" What the hell do you think you're doing Kris? "

" I'm trying to stop you from getting drunk again! "

" Oh, you're trying to take that away from me too now are you? I lost my brother,I lost my mom, I didn't hear anything from my father so I guess I lost him too... And now You're taking away my drink?! Curse you Kris Allen for taking away the only thing that I have left in my life... " Adam hiccuped but still glared at Kris

" It's not the only thing you have left Adam! You didn't lose your brother,mother or father either, they're still there! Your brother keeps on asking about you, when you wil come visit him, he knows you blame yourself and he says you shouldn't, 'cause nothing of this is your fault! You didn't put that puddle of oil on the road, and you didn't make it rain either... It was an accident! When are you finally gonna realize that? " Kris stopped for a moment, looking straight in Adam's eyes so he could see how much he had hurt Kris " You can curse me as many times as you want... That means I'm atleast Something to you, even if it is just a thing you can curse, atleast it's something... Believe it or not, I'm still here for you too Adam... If only you would let me in... " 

For a moment Adam's face softened, trying to take in everything that Kris said, but then it hardened again " You just don't understand it, do you? I don't want your help Kris! I don't need it! I don't need the pity. While you've got your life all planned up for you and your kids, my world is falling apart and I can't stand it! I can't stand being here! All the fake happiness that surrounds this place... I'm sick of it! I'm sick of you and everything about you! "

Kris felt the tears coming up, tears of hurt, but most of all, tears of angryness... He stood up of Adam's lap and looked straight at Adam " Fine... If you're so sick of me then why don't you get the hell out? Oh right, maybe 'cause you have no other place to go 'cause you 'lost' your parents?! Get real Adam, you're not a little kid anymore! If you want to go, then go! Go fix things with your mom, and finally realize how stubborn and stupid you were to think that it's your fault your brother's got an accident, 'cause nobody else thinks that it is! If you're staying, fine too, but don't expect me to be helpful, or at least trying to be helpful, 'cause I'm sick of that! And it seems like you don't want my help, so lucky you! I'm done with you Adam... Here I was, thinking that we could finally work something out between us... After you kissed me I thought ' yes, finally something good happens in my life ' and I thought we could be together as a couple, 'cause I love you, I love you more than anything in this world, and sure we had to talk about it, but we didn't even have a chance to do that... And about having my life all planned out for me and my kids, they're kind of ruined now, 'cause you were involved in them, atleast in my mind you were... I guess my world is falling apart now too... " Kris couldn't hold back his tears any longer, he backed away from Adam, ready to turn around and walk away

Adam was shocked, did Kris really mean it? He looked in Kris' eyes and saw the truthulness and the hurt in them, then he felt the tears coming up in his own eyes, he held out his hand to pull Kris back, but Kris just took another step backwards, away from Adam " Kris... I didn't mean it... I... "

" You're drunk? Yeah I know, but still not drunk enough to not know what you just said... You've hurt me Adam, it's he second time you've hurt me and I don't think I can handle a third... I'm off to bed, goodnight " Kris turned around and ran up the stairs to lock himself up in his room

Adam let his head fall into his hands... What had he done? He had to figure out a way to make things up with Kris, he just Had to... Kris really was the only thing he could still hang onto, not the stupid beers and other alcohol he had been drinking for over a week now, he needed Kris...And how hard he might have messed things up, he still had to try to find a way to get things back to the way they were before... Or else... He didn't even want to think about that... He just wanted to believe that everything could be fixed again

~~

The next morning, Kris found Adam sprawled over the couch, this time without beerbottles on the ground, so he was a bit relieved. He went to the kitchen to make breakfast, he was still mad and hurt, but he tried to be as quiet as he could to nat wake Adam up, maybe then he could eat something quick and get out of the door before Adam would wake up so he didn't have to talk with him. But then Adam was standing in the kitchen too, fiddling his fingers in his shirt, in which he had fallen asleep. Kris pretended he didn't notice he was there and just sat himself down at the table an started eating. Adam sat down too, and started eating too, not saying a word, he just didn't know what he could say... When Kris was done with his breakfast, he put his plate and cup on the sink, grabbed his carkeys and left the house, leaving Adam all by himself...   
Kris didn't come back home until late in the evening, he had the kids with him so Adam thought he had spend the day with them, it was saturday after all... Adam had cleaned himself up that day, he had a shower, shaved himself, his hair was laying back in the right place and he even put on his eye-liner again. For a moment he saw Kris look at him, he smiled at him, but Kris quickly turned his eyes away from him again. Emma and Josh had noticed the change of Adam too and walked up to him, they were hoping he would play with them before they had to go to bed, Adam quickly stood up from the couch and asked them what they would like to play, the smile that came up on the kids' faces was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen...   
Kris had gone upstairs with the kids and Adam was waiting downstairs for him to come back down, but he didn't... He'd gone to bed too... Way earlier then he ever went to bed before, but Adam knew why, Kris just wanted to ignore him... Finally Adam knew what he had to do... He stood up, picked up a paper and a pen, wrote a little note and placed it on the table, then he went upstairs to his room to pack his things. He was leaving... He had to... He wasn't able to fix things with Kris, so he just left him, and everything else that Adam had loved so much...  
When he came back down a few minutes later with his bag in his hand, he was surprised when he saw Emma sitting on the couch, looking straight at him, disapointment and hurt written all over her face, Adam put down his bag at the front door and walked back to her

" Hey honey, what are you doing down here? You should have been sleeping hours ago "

" I heard noise in your room, opening closets and stuff and I went to look, you're door was still open, and I saw you putting clothes in your bag... Are you leaving us? "

Adam sighed, why had he forgotten to close his door? " Yeah, I am... " he saw the tears well up in Emma's eyes " I have to sweety, I'm only hurting your dad by staying here, and you don't want your daddy to be hurt, right? " 

" You're not hurting daddy! You're helping him! " Emma stepped closer to him " Daddy needs you... Daddy loves you... "

Adam bent down his knees and wrapped his arms around the little girl " I love your daddy too sweety... But believe me when I say that I'm only hurting him right now... I need some time on my own, and so does your dad... We need to be away from eachother for a little while "

Emma pulled her head up and loked in Adam's eyes " And then you'll come back? "

" I don't know yet... Maybe... " Adam could feel the tears starting to well up in his eyes, he let go of Emma and stood up again, he walked over to the door , picked up his bag , opened the door and looked back at Emma " Bye sweety, you're an amazing girl... Take care of your daddy... "

Emma didn't say anything back, she just stared at him. Adam walked further outside, letting the door fall shut behind him, but before it was really closed he heard the little girl running up the stairs crying and screaming " Daddy! Daddy ! Uncle Adam's leaving! You've got to stop him! Daddy! " It really broke his heart... but he kept on going to his car and heard the door fall shut behind him. He knew Kris would probably be running out of his room and down the stairs by now, but he didn't wait for him, he threw his bag into the backseat of his car, stepped in at the driver's side and started the engine. He didn't look back one time... He knew he would change his mind then, but he wouldn't let himself... It was the best thing he could do right now... Maybe, just maybe, he could come back someday... But for now, he had to leave the one place he ever called his home...


	27. Chapter 27

Kris was still standing in the door frame, watching Adam drive away... It was the second time he saw it, ofcourse he had seen him leave many times before, but this one time when he had seen him drive away he hadn't seen him for five years, and who knows how long it would take now until he would see him again....He felt someone tug on his shirt and looked down, he saw Emma standing there, eyes still red from crying... He laid his hand on her shoulder and lead her inside, closing the door behind him. He took Emma up in his arms and walked up the stairs

" Daddy? "

" Yes honey? "

" Did uncle Adam hurt you? He said he did... "

" He said that huh? Yeah, he did hurt me... "

" But he loves you! How could he hurt you? "

" It's too complicated to explain now sweetheart... Let's get back to bed, maybe he'll be back home in the morning, with breakfast and everything " Kris winked at her and Emma smiled

Kris put his daughter in bed, gave her a goodnight kiss and left the room to go to his own. He know Adam wouldn't be back in the morning... But what was he supposed to say? Emma worshipped Adam, even more then her own mother, how was he supposed to tell her Adam wasn't coming back... That there was a chance she would never see him again... He just couldn't do that.  
The next morning when Kris, Emma and Josh came down, Adam wasn't there like Kris expected... He looked at Emma for a minute and saw the hopeful glow in her eyes change into one of disapointment, it broke his heart to see that, but there's nothing he can do about it... When they're sitting at the table, Kris notices a short note on the table, he grabs it and reads it, ' I'm gonna fix my life... A. x " He couldn't help but smile at that, but he also feels the tears coming up so he quickly turns around, pretending to take the coffeepot, so his kids wouldn't see it.

" Daddy? " Josh's voice sounded concerned

" Yes son? "

" Where's uncle Adam? "

Kris looked over at Emma, who quickly avoided his eyes and looked at her plate, " Uncle Adam is gone Josh, he went to his parents to fix some things... "

" Is he coming back after that? "

" I... I don't know... Maybe... " the tears were coming up again...

" I like uncle Adam... " Kris and Emma both turned their faces to Josh, he had never said something like that before, Josh laughed a little nervously " He makes me forget about mom sometimes... "

Kris rushed over to his son and pulled him into his arms, they both started crying... Emma stood up from her chair and wrenched herself in between her dad and Josh to join the hug, tears already rolling from her cheek. They tried to comfort eachother, wanting nothing more than for Adam to come back to them, but all three of them had the same fear that Adam would never come back...

~~

Two weeks had gone by and Kris still hadn't heard anything from Adam. He knew he probably was at his parents house and he had finally realized that the accident wasn't his fault, atleast he hoped he would have realized that. That would mean Adam would be alright again, he could become the old Adam again, and there's nothing more that Kris wanted than to get the old Adam back, even if he wouldn't come back to him anymore... He got pulled out of his thoughts from the ringing of his phone

" Hello? " 

" Hey Kris, it's Leila... Is Adam at your place? "

" No, he isn't, I thought he lived at your house again? "

" Yes he did, until yesterday... " Leil"s voice cracked a little

" What happened? " Kris began to worry, why wasn't Adam at his parents home? What if something bad had happened to him?

" He finally agreed with visiting Neil at the hospital, so I took him with me yesterday, but when we came to the door of Neil's room he started panicking again and ran off... I tried to follow him, but I couldn't keep up and I saw him getting into a cab, I tried to call him back, but he just slammed the door shut... When I came home, all of his clothes were gone... He left a note on the table saying ' I'm going back to the start... ' I don't even know what that means! I was hoping he would be with you... "

Kris let out a breath of relief " I know where he is mrs Lambert, don't worry... "

" You know where he is? Really?! " Leila sounded hopeful

" Yes, I do, And I'm gonna bring him back! "

" Thank you Kris... I'm glad Adam has a friend like you, or should I say, a boyfriend like you... "

Kris felt the blush coming up to his cheeks " Euhm, we've not figured that out yet... "

" I'm sure you will soon enpugh... I've gotta go now Kris, Eber's waiting for me, we're gonna visit Neil together "

" Ok, tell Neil I said Hi. I'll give you a call when I've found Adam "

" I will! Thanks again, for everything... "

Kris hang up his phone and the quickly pulled it up again, he had to call his parents to ask if they could watch the kids again, they agreed, so he hang up his phone again. He walked with his kids to the car, and they drove off to his parents house, when they arrived there and got out of the car, they started to walk to the door, suddenly Emma stopped walking, Kris turned around and walked back to her

" What's wrong honey? " 

" Why do we have to go to grandma and grandma all of a sudden? Do you want to get rid of us? " Emma pouted

Kris laughed a little and ruffled through his daughter's hair before bending down his knees in front of her " I don't want to get rid of you two, although you can be a pain in the ass sometimes... " Emma looked shocked at him which made him laugh even more and he wrapped his arms around here, he whispered in her ear " I'm gonna get your uncle Adam back "

Emma smiled and got a spark in her eyes " Can I come with you? "

Kris shook his head " No baby, I'm sorry... I have to do this alone... You and Josh can play here and be a pain in the ass for your grandparents, while I make sure I'm getting that other, even bigger pain in the ass, back home " he smiled at her and gave her a little slap on her butt

Emma smiled happily, took her brother by the hand and slipped her other hand in Kris' and they walked to the door of Kim and Neil, Kris' parents. When his parents had opened the door he said he didn't have time to come in and that he would explain everything later, he waved his kids goodbye and left again. When he was driving he smiled at himself, he was finally gonna see Adam again! But he still had to make sure he went back home with him... He tried to find the right words to say to him, but they wouldn't come... He sighed and thought he would just have to wait until he was standing in front of Adam, than he would know what he had to say, and the words would come out easily. Atleast he hoped they would...


	28. Chapter 28

Kris arrived at the place he knew Adam would be at... The idol mansion... He parked his car and walked up to the oh-so-familiar building. This was were it had all begun, for him, for Adam, for everyone in the top 13 of AI season 8. He couldn't believe he would be back here one day, but now he was... He walked through the gate and went to the door, which was locked, so he went around the back into the garden and there, standing by the pool, he saw him... Adam... His hair floated through the wind, he looked broken but oh so beautiful at the same time.  
Adam hadn't noticed Kris walking up, so he looked startled when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder, he looked beside him and saw Kris there, looking up at him with nothing but concern and love written all over his face. Adam turned to him and opened his arms, uncertain if Kris would want to hug him after everything he said to him, but Kris didn't waste another minute and threw himself in his arms. Adam sighed happily and let his head rest on Kris', stroking his back with one hand, with the other hand he just clinged on to Kris' shirt. Kris was using both his hands to hold on to Adam's shirt like it was the only thing that could safe him at that moment, like Adam was the only one who could save him, even when he had hurt him so much... After a few minutes standing like that they both pulled away a little and let their hands rest on eachother's waist, just staring in eachothers eyes. Then Adam decided to break the silence

" How did you find me? "

" Your mom called me and asked me if you were at my place, I told her you weren't and I became a little worried, then she told me what happened at the hospital and that you were gone when she came home. Then she told me about your little note and I knew where you would be... "

Adam smiled and stroked his fingers through Kris' hair " You know me too well... " 

Kris smiled back, pulled his hands of Adam's waist and placed them on his chest instead, he stroked softly up and down " You remember that night at the beach? When you asked me if I ever wished that I could go back in time and redo something? "

" How can I forget? It was one of the best days of my life! I couldn't forget it even if I tried... " Adam pulled his hands of Kris' waist and grabbed hold of his hands, keeping them in place on his chest

Kris smiled up at Adam " I thought about it and there is one thing that I would like to redo if I had the chance... "

" And what's that? "

" I wouldn't let you drive away when you did 5 years ago.. I should've stopped you back then, I still regret I didn't sometimes " Kris shuffled his feet 

" How would you have stopped me? I didn't give you the chance to do anything, I just left... " Adam cupped Kris' face with one hand and lifted his head so he could look in his eyes

" I don't know how... Maybe I would have jumped in front of your car or something, I just wish I didn't let you leave at that moment... "

" Kris... I could never forgive myself if I had hit you if you jumped in front of my car, so I'm glad you didn't do that " Adam smiled and dropped a kiss on Kris' forehead, then looked back into his eyes and just melted " God Kris, do you even know what you're doing to me? " 

Kris looked concerned " What do I do? "

" Nothing bad, silly! " Adam stroked Kris' cheek with his thumb " It's just that... I don't even know how to explain it! Usually I'm this confident guy,atleast I'm trying to be, but when you're around I 'm just weak... Everytime I look in those gorgeous brown puppy-eyes of yours I melt away... Everytime you smile at me I feel myself turn into a puddle of goo... I'm lost without you Kris... I know I said in the note I left on your table that I was gonna fix my life, well I tried, but how can I fix my life when you're not in it... I know I hurt you with the things I said, but I hope you'll be able to forgive me one day, and that there's maybe a chance that I could live with you and the kids again... 'Cause I miss those two almost as much as I miss you... I love you so fucking much... Can you give me the chance, I promise it will be the last one, the next time you can just kick me out and probably never see me again, but I want this one chance to make things up with you... Can you give me that one chance? " Adam looked pleading into Kris' eyes

Kris couldn't hold back anymore, he stood up on his toes and kissd Adam right on his lips, then he went back down on his feet and looked into his eyes " I've already forgiven you... I just can't stay mad at you for some reason. I pull my strength out of your confidence, 'cause when you're around me I feel like I can take over the world in a matter of speaking. When you look at me with nothing but love and affection shown in your eyes, I feel stronger and more confident about myself than I actually am... I came here to take you back home, so that's what I'm gonna do! Forget about that last chance, 'cause I don't think there will ever happen something like this again, so I will never have to kick you out, which I would never do in the first place... I just gave you a choice, you could have stayed at my place too, but I think you made the right choice to go to your parents' house and talk things out with them, so I'm glad you did " Kris grabbed him by the hand " Come on, let's get you home... But first we're gonna take a little pit-stop at the hospital, 'cause there's someone there that's been dying to see you... "

" Neil... " Adam looked at the ground " How... How is he? "

" You'll see when we get there " Kris squeezed his hand and ogether they walked to Kris' car, Adam came to the mansion by cab 'cause his car is still standing on the parkinglot at the studio

They both got into the car and drove off, up to the hospital, up to Neil... 

~~

When they arrived at Neil's room, Adam stopped again in front of the door. Kris looked at him and saw the scared look on his face, he grabbed hold of his hand and looked up expectantly, Adam looked back and nodded, so Kris opened the door. Adam's mom and dad were sitting next to Neil's bed and looked up as they saw the door was opening, when they saw who was coming in they both felt their jaw drop and they just stared at him. But nothing, Nothing could compare to Neil's face...   
When Neil saw Adam come in, followed closely by Kris who was still holding his hand, his whole face lightened up and he opened up his arms. Adam let go of Kris' hand and hurried over to the bed and wrapped his arms around his little brother, they both couldn't hold back their tears, so they sobbed on eachothers shoulder. They pulled away after a few minutes and Adam placed himself on the bed, his parents came over to him and hugged him, then they said they would go to the cafeteria so Adam, Kris and Neil could be alone for a while, Kris offered to go with them but they wouldn't let him, they said Neil had to show him and Adam something first, then they left the room. Kris and Adam both looked expectantly at Neil

" What is it that you want to show us bro? " Adam asked curiously

" Well, you probably know that I couldn't feel my legs anymore after the accident, 'cause my motorcycle landed on them and put on some serious damage that way that the doctor even thought I wouldn't be able to ever walk again... " 

Adam looked at his feet, he still felt guilty about it, Neil saw it and grabbed his hand

" It isn't your fault Adam! I know you felt guilty about it but you need to realize that it isn't! " Neil tugged on Adam's hand until he looked at him " I want you to look that way " he pointed at the feet-side of the bed and looked at Kris if he looked that way too, when he saw that he did, he slowly started to pull up his right foot, let it fall back down again, then did the same thing with his left " You see! " Neil smiled, face all sweaty from the effort he had made " I'm making great improvements says the doctor and he even has hope for me to be able to walk again after a few months or maybe years, who knows... Anyway, he has faith in me! And I don't want to let him down, so I keep on practising, but not too much, so I don't overdo it and get a backfall or something... " He looked up at Adam and Kris to see their reactions, they were both staring at him with their mouths wide open, he looked expectantly at them

" That... That was amazing Neil! " Kris had finally found his voice again, he walked up to the bed and hugged Neil " I'm so happy for you! "

Neil smiled and looked over at Adam who was still staring at him, Neil squeezed his hand and Adam found his voice again

" I'm... I don't know what to say... " his voice sounded hoarse " I'm proud of you little brother, I really am! " tears came up again and he hugged Neil to show him that he was really proud of him

Kris smiled at that sight " I'm gonna leave you two alone now, you'll have a lot of catching up to do... " he walked to the door

" Hey Kris! " Neil stopped Kris' from opening the door " Thank you... Thank you for taking care of my brother, and bringing him back to me... " Neil's eyes were full of emotion, mostly gratefulness

Kris smiled warmly " You're welcome Neil " he looked over at Adam and winked at him before he walked out the door

Adam and Neil talked and talked, Neil talking about all the tests he had to go through and Adam talking about living with Kris, then how he had a fight with Kris, and more about Kris... Kris was really the only thing that Adam talked about, so Neil asked after a while if they were finally a couple now, Adam hesitated for a second and then said " Yeah, I think we are... " Neil smiled brightly and patted him on the back while saying " I'm happy for you big bro! Kris is a great guy and I know he'll make you happy " Adam smiled back and said " He already did..." Their parents and Kris came back after an hour and they stayed in Neil's room for another hour just talking to eachother. Neil blurted out at some point that Kris and Adam were a couple, which made Kris stare at him; Adam gave him a knock on the head and their parents just smiled happily and congratulated them. Kris looked at his watch and thought it was time to go and pick up the kids, so he and Adam said goodbye to Neil,Leila and Eber, telling Neil they would come visit him again later, and left the hospital. When they walked to the car, hand in hand, Kris couldn't stop himself from asking

" So... We're a couple now? " he smiled teasingly at Adam

" Yeah... Atleast I think we are...No, I Hope we are... " Adam looked hopeful in Kris' eyes, he really needed confirmation

" Ofcourse we are! " Kris stopped walking and pulled Adam back so he could face him " I love you Adam... I want to spend the rest of my life with you and the kids... " 

Adam let out a breath of relief and happiness, then he put his hand at the back of Kris' neck and pulled him up into a kiss, when he pulled away he looked down into those beautiful sparkling brown eyes " Let's go home baby " he whispered, Kris nodded and they walked further to the car

Finally they had worked things out.. Kris had Adam back and Adam had his family And Kris back.   
Now it was time to make a new family, a little family they could call their own, with Emma and Josh, at the only place they could ever call   
' Their Home ' ...

~~ THE END ~~


End file.
